Hey y'all. For starters, i'm (20m) in a relationship with my gf (19f), we have been together for almost a year now.
I wanna start off with the question:
How do i handle a eventually sexless long-term relationship?
For some details, we met a year ago, and got together 3 weeks later.
Everything clicked, we knew we had the same vibe, we have a almost identical mindset and similar interests.
We both see eachother as our soulmates. After that, we knew we were eachother's love of our life.
After a short time, we noticed that we think the same way regarding bedroom life etc. and our freak level is on the same scale.
We also find eachother physically attractive. She likes my body, my proportions and so on, and i really love her figure, her "assets" so that also fit very well. We are really attracted to eachother physically.
Only difference is that she's a virgin and i already had sex in previous relationships before, and i have a slightly higher sex drive.
It was great at first, we both made loads of sexual jokes and answered freakily to anything we said. We had lots of make-out sessions, gave eachother head regularly and (hand)led eachother intimately, if you know what i mean.
We also both agreed on waiting for a bit until she got her pills prescribed, and wait until we had sex. We also got STI tests, resulted in being negative.
Our relationship also has progressed a great bit, with A LOT of loving, peaceful and heartwarming moments , and also the uncomfortable bits, and it proved that we loved each other a lot and mean a lot to eachother's hearts.
But for a few months now, ever since she started taking her pills, our sexual intimacy has died out.
No making out, no giving head or anything. No freaky jokes or comebacks, nothing.
She always declines any move i make, be it trying to have another make-out or eating her out.
And i'm kinda feeling down. I dont know how to explain it, i just feel down everytime she rejects my intimacy and im slowly losing the will of showing her intimate love.
I really get that the pill could make her feel this way, and all the stress from our work adds to it. I really understand that and i significantly toned down my initiation of intimacy.
If you guys are wondering, i don’t want sexual interaction to "get a load off and feel good",
I do it because it's a special way of feeling that deeper connection with a pleasent physical feeling. My "objective" in the bedroom isn’t just shooting a load and that's it, i wanna make her feel good and give her a good time while deepening our relationship. I also always prioritize her pleasure. And i've always made that clear. And fortunately she thinks the same way.
But yeah, now that our intimate life has died out, i'm kinda tired of initiating and being rejected, and now i'm looking for a way to cope. She's the love of my life, and i really love her, so i'm actively trying to find a way to handle this without growing tired.
Any advice on how i get by with that, and suppress my sexual desire?
4 comments
Maybe she isn’t the love of your life as you would have hoped. I think you have high expectations of her, understandable. Communicate with her and see where things are, be direct about your concerns
Have you communicated this to her? A healthy sexual life between partners is an important part of a relationship. Neither partner should engage in stuff they don’t want to do, but having one or both be unhappy and unfulfilled is equally problematic in the long run. Communication can help. There are a lot of ways to be intimate that don’t involve PiV sex.
If you cant handle a period of sexlessness you dont deserve a long-term relationship
People get sick, they get chronic illnesses. People get injured, they lose mobility. People have bad days – weeks – months.
Women have dramatic hormonal changes over the lifespan that absolutely will cause periods of low or no sex drive
There will always be periods of sexlessness in long-term relationships. If you can’t handle that, let her go
Since it’s not about the relief of taking a load off and the feeling good part for you then amp up the romance or provide the spaces and environments where she will personally feel pampered by you instead — her self-care during her adjustment period to the pill could be helped by you going out of your way to draw her a bath with bubbles, essential oils and such, massages afterwards, without any expectation of sex at the end of it. The romance stuff can be nice sweet things you do for her on every other day or so, cute little love notes written to her in the lunch you might pack for her, planning a picnic down at the park, the point is to continue on putting in the graft to please her in other ways and yeah have a deep and meaningful conversation with her about what you’ve been experiencing internally asking her to open up about what the pill may be causing within her as well and you can both work this out to see how you can navigate it all better *together* don’t leave her in the dark with what you’ve been going through, otherwise she won’t know and things won’t change.