My (F30s) inlaws always have Christmas lunch at their house, which I hate, because my husband (M40s) and I always want to just stay home and enjoy his one day off. We have suggested different days, or hosting, but apparently, it's unreasonable to ask.
Anyway, this year, our niece developed a new dietary restriction, one that I've dealt with for 10+ years. Rather than try to learn about it, my MIL asked me if I would make some sides for Christmas. I told her yes, what I would plan on, and my husband also volunteered us to make the entree as well. All of this was fine, we agreed, as did she.
Last Sunday, we went to a get together for the extended family, and found out that the person, who is normally cooking most of the things, would not be doing it this year because "she doesn't want to". I wouldn't have had a problem with this, except that it was 3 days before Christmas. However, she was still planning on making dessert, but now, I was asked to do all the sides, except green beans and sweet potatoes, which would be done by my MIL. I was more than a little annoyed, but I agreed, even though I had already planned a friends' dinner on Christmas Eve, and was doing ALL of that. I planned initially for 2 simple sides, and my husband was doing a turkey in our smoker.
On the day before Christmas Eve, my husband called me to tell me that his mother called him to tell him that now the one who was bringing dessert was now no longer coming at all, and MIL was practically in hysterics. He told her not to worry, that we would take care of the whole meal. I was furious, but I pulled together 3 sides, a turkey, a cake and I had leftover cookies and hors d'oeuvres from our previous dinner so I took those too. I was more than a little bitter, but I did it, because I wanted our nieces to have a good day, and especially the one with the new restrictions, as she hasn't been able to have a lot of good meals recently, because no one in her family either cooks for her, or has taught her anything about cooking. (Our last family get together she ate potato chips and a piece of cake that I brought, and she knew it was safe)
When we got to MILs house, with half our kitchen in tow, rather than offer to help or ask if I needed anything, she says, "This is awesome. Do whatever you need, and I'll go sit down and get out of your way" while also allowing her asshole dog to run wild underfoot. Then she spent the whole day talking about how great it was and how much she enjoyed it because she didn't have to do anything. Prior to today, she talked about how next year is going to be different, and no one would be responsible for anything big, but after today , all of that was magically gone, and I'm sure that is a prelude to assuming that I'll be doing what I did this year.
That is absolutely not happening. Either I get at least two weeks notice, and we have it at my house, in which case I have no issue with cooking the whole meal, OR I take one, and only one dish to her house. The more I think about it, the more angry I am. I did ALL that shit, except for when my husband boiled some pasta. And even he was talking about how it wasn't so bad, and he would consider it again for next year. Normally, he isn't that obtuse, so that actually really surprised me.