I’ve been single for seven years (F40)
I’m not extraordinary looking, but I do take care of myself. I go to the gym, eat well, botox, invest in my health and confidence. I’m independent, have a good job and my own place. I have hobbies, intreststs, travel a lot. From the outside my life looks solid put together. People keep telling me how lucky I am.
During these 7 years, I truly tried. Dating apps, social events, speed dating, singles ski trips. Every avenue that promised a chance at connection. It wasn’t that no one showed interest. They did. But every single time, the ending was the same: they were already in a relationship, or only suddenly wanted something casual, or disappeared without explanation. I even tried dating much older men, thinking maturity might mean honesty. It didn’t. If anything, it was worse.
Eventually, I turned inward. I started therapy, convinced that I must be the common denominator. If this kept happening, surely it had to be me.
Then, a couple of months ago, I met someone who felt different. Almost too good to be true. I was deeply attracted to him and being with him felt easy and exciting. He was attentive, intense, affectionate. Maybe love bombing and future faking a little, but if I’m honest it felt good to finally be wanted like that, so I let myself enjoy it.
Four weeks in, something small cracked the illusion. I had been to his place. I’d met some of his friends. Yet I realised I didn’t even know his surname. When I asked, he laughed it off, turned it into a joke, and refused to answer. I pressed again. Still nothing.
It felt like a bucket of cold water.
That night, I went home and started searching online. Slowly, piece by piece, I found him. First LinkedIn, where I discovered he was six years older than he’d claimed. Then social media. And then the truth landed fully: his girlfriend. Here we go again.
There they were, smiling into each other’s eyes, kissing, looking in love. Her posts raving how amazing, kind, thoughtful her boyfriend is.
I snapped. I broke my own rule. I messaged her with everything: screenshots of his verified dating profile, our chats, photos of us together. All the receipts. Immediate regret.
She blocked me immediately.
An hour later, he did too.
This year, I turned 40. I don’t have children. Tonight, it’s New Year’s Eve, and I feel completely emptied out. I’m exhausted in a way sleep doesn’t fix. I feel lonely, unlovable, and deeply confused. I don’t know how I got here, or why this keeps happening.
More than anything, I wish someone would just give me a hug.
I’m not even sure why I’m sharing this. Maybe I just needed to be honest somewhere. Maybe I’m hoping for a little kindness. Maybe I just don’t want to feel so alone right now.