My husband has a very bad temper and no filter when it comes to how he treats me. I have been dealing with emotional and verbal abuse from him for years and am just waking up to it all sadly. He has screamed certain names at me in front of our two kids, belittled me in front of our kids, called me names on a regular basis, has physically harmed me and made me feel like i am never enough when i try and seek out a 'fun' time with him.
I have tried to leave with the kids and unfortunately that didn't work out and i had to come back to the house. We haven't slept next to one another for about a year or had intimate moments for over 5 months, He has never really had a strong urge to want that anyway.. even with me begging for it.. not sure how we managed to have two kids.
When i came back to the house i asked that he stay in a different part of the house and i have the other area with the kids, so we have been doing that. He said he was going to work on things but he has not and is still calling me names, even screaming at me in public. I am currently taking a diploma program to better the life for my kids so leaving is not financially doable at the moment nor is finding and paying for a lawyer. I have told him so many times this year that i want a divorce and have asked him to leave and he won't. He refuses to accept the fact that its over. After long arguments, the next day he acts like all is well. He even got me a card for Christmas that says wife on it and he signed it with xoxox… I am losing my mind – I am so done with this relationship. I just need advice, has anyone lived through this before? I feel like i am in a constant fight or flight, i cant sleep properly, i find myself hiding away a lot. I feel bad for my kids that they don't have the best version of me.