My (25f) husband (36m) yelled at me today because he misheard me pronounce a word about one of my hobbies. Instead of asking me what the word was, he continously repeated it towards me, even ignoring how I was saying the correct word in response, every time.
We were at my mom's for Christmas and she misheard me too. Obviously, I mumbled. I'm getting sick and wasn't feeling well, but having him laugh at me when I was trying to tell him the correct word really hurt my feelings.
As we were getting in the car to drive home, I told him that the situation about the word hurt my feelings because he laughed at me and specifically said it felt like he was mocking me. I never said thats what he did or meant, just wanted to share thats how it felt on my end.
He ended up yelling about he wasn't the only one who misheard me. And I mean he yelled. Its been 5 hours and im still scared because of how loud he got.
He never apologized for yelling at me. He never apologized for turning the situation around on me and how I must've said the incorrect word and didn't realize it.
He apologized for making me feel like I never wanted to share my hobby with him again, to the point I want to quit the hobby altogether.
I'm still really sad but he’s just asleep in bed next me. I don't know what to do.
How do I even bring up these issues if it devolves into a fight or shouting match every time?
11 comments
He hates you.
Sit him down and tell him you aren’t putting up with that shit anymore. Don’t let it go without addressing it because he will continue and the behavior will escalate.
He intentionally mocked and belittled you in front of your family and then emotionally abused you when yoj spoke up. Huge red flags. Likely narcissist. If it was me it would be an ultimatum: marriage counseling or divorce.
Don’t quit your hobby, dont give any man that kind of power over you. The fact that any time you bring up something that’s bothering you, it ends up turning into a shouting match is terrible. How long have you been together? How did you meet? It’s just ridiculous how there are men out here treating their wives like complete garbage. The painful truth is that there’s no love here. It doesn’t even really sound like he LIKES you. So you get out there and enjoy the fuck out of that hobby. Don’t let him make you feel small and like you don’t matter. How he treats you isn’t an indication of what you’re worth as a human being, as a woman. It speaks volumes about him. You have family and hopefully they are pretty supportive and loving toward you. That’s your first step out of this. You’re 25. You’re young, you have so much you can do, so many people to meet, so many new hobbies to explore. After you safely leave this situation, take some time for you, getting to know you, loving you, discovering all the great things about you, untying your self esteem and confidence from what a man thinks about you. You totally got this.
Me and my husband are from different countries, there’s a thousand words that we “mispronounce” according to the other. We just clarify that the word we heard is the one we thought it was, then we move on.
He’s not going to apologize because he doesn’t feel that he did anything wrong.
I’m just saddened for you , OP. I love my marriage and would do anything to ensure that I never intentionally or unintentionally cause emotional harm to my wife. Because what’s the point of being married if you all aren’t mutually pushing towards not only self improvement , but how to make your relationship better for each other. Typically you don’t belittle or mock the things that you love.
Right? Like am I crazy? Is it not cool to love and support your wife anymore? Like, especially if my wife was 11 years younger than me… Because what’s cool and manly about being the old guy mocking and belittling my super young wife? idk
OP , you just deserve much better and I hope going in to this new year you will start making changes and steps to where your personal safety mental health and happiness is put at the forefront.
Ask him to go to therapy to work on his anger issues. Unlikely he will but tell him the marriage depends on that
You are always going to be too young to let this be the rest of your life, but at 25 you are *really* too young to let this be the rest of your life.
Please make a plan to remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible.
Always remember you deserve the world. Don’t settle for less. Don’t let anyone else tell you otherwise or treat you indifferently.
What on earth did you say or at least what was the word you were trying to say?