Hi, I've been quite dissatisfied with our relationship of 7 years for a while, and whenever I try to open up about my feelings and try to find a solution in the long-term, she shuts me down, says I ruin her mood, says her day was going great and I'm an asshole.
If she's in a bad mood, it's not a good time since I am just like whoever pissed her off that day, if she's in a good mood, I'm the asshole for ruining "her one day", if she's in a neutral mood, I'm the asshole for ruining her hopes that the day will get better.
The one time I've found she's even remotely receptive (as in listening and trying to do X once, then forgets it or acts like it's just stress to do it again. think washing dishes or us doing some fitness) is after a good date. Issue is, those are rare. One of the things that I keep trying to bring up is the lack of quality time (eg. dates) between us, and surprise… I can't bring it up.
We spent like some quality 4 hours of the day during Christmas Eve, and nothing for almost a week now. I've even stopped trying to lobby for any more time until new year's since I just don't even want the heartache this time of year. The funny thing is she says I'm much nicer like, but it's just because I haven't asked for literally anything for days…. which is sad.
I've tried different tones too, a demanding tone results in me being the bad guy, a nice tone results in what I say not being taken seriously, or being taken seriously once then never again (nothing lasts is what I'm trying to say), an enthusiastic tone like "hey wouldn't it be fun to go to the mall" ends up with us doing it once, but after like months of me saying it. Anything I ask her or us to do literally becomes traumatic for her if I ask her more than once a month… The only thing I can get are super vague suggestions that hopefully might happen once after months… There's like no way I found to ask her to just do something and have it happen promptly, I really don't know what to do.
I can't give too many details on the things I want to ask since I don't wanna embarass her, but they're like super easy and normal things that all couples do (and all people do, since some of them are just for her benefit, hygiene, fun, self growth)