I'll probably delete this, but I'm here for some perspective and advice/comfort.
A little backstory. I married into a family that's not "super into Christmas." I come from a family that always celebrated the magic of the season. Over the years, I've found a balance for myself that doesn't include elaborate, fragile decorations on every surface, but I still enjoy giving practical gifts and thoughtful surprises.
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 3. We have a 4 year old and a 2 year old. We've never agreed not to exchange gifts, but we do agree to make most of the magic for the kids. I am fine with this.
This year, I told my husband that I would appreciate one gift to unwrap on Christmas morning, OR a stocking filled with some things I need. I got him some new work shirts. Nothing too crazy. No one is asking for a surprise car from the Happy Honda Days sale.
Because I know he needs help/can't read my mind, I sent him an Amazon list via text and email called "Stuff My Wife Likes." I dropped hints about gourmet food baskets, a date I don't have to plan, a massage, new socks, a haircut. Not exactly cheap gifts, but not out of budget.
Fast forward to last night, as I'm wrapping his gifts. I started getting angry over the fact that (on Christmas Eve!) his sister is the one who offered to get my stocking stuffers from Trader Joe's because she was "out there anyway." He Venmoed her for a bath set that he wasn't there to pick out, and picked up some weird smelling candle from Kroger. (I hate most candles).
I confronted him about it last night, and I explained why my feelings were hurt. He said "she offered and it was a busy day!"
Now is the time where I tell you that he spent almost a month looking for the perfect playhouse for our kids. Not one of those mini suburban replicas, thank God, but he put in thought and effort. He also chose a robot toy for our youngest kid's upcoming birthday, found the store that had it in stock, and set up a pick up time.
I set aside something that I bought for myself and I wrapped it. It wasn't even intended for Christmas.
When I gave him his stocking stuffer, which I picked out myself, he said "wow, that's a really nice stocking stuffer!" and he meant it.
I should also add that I bought my own present this year, which is something I do every year and I don't mind. It's usually a big ticket household item that goes on sale for Black Friday and makes everyone's life easier.
We are in counseling. He puts the kids needs over mine more often than not. I just don't know how to avoid asking Santa for a divorce next year. Am I wrong to be livid? What should I do? I feel like this is a symptom of a bigger problem, and that problem is that I am not valued or appreciated in any way.
I'm sorry if this post bums everyone out, but it's not the only one you'll see today. I needed to write it. I also need to know I'm not wrong to feel upset and rejected.