Please help – anger issues
Two days ago my wife (we're both women) was trying to help me make her traditional salad. I was trying to do it myself – it had been a whole morning of me trying to cook things for people myself and people telling me I'm doing it wrong and to let them do it, and I was getting mad and short with people. And then my wife reached for the collander and I pushed her out of the way to get it. (Not like a hard shove but I did push her).
I felt so, so bad like a monster. I got sober a year ago and I thought all my physical reactions during altercations were behind me but I guess not. I apologized to her, both her and her sister told me it wasn't violent just irritating and my wife said moments later she even did the same thing to her sister, but I cried so much all day anyways. I plan to read a book on managing anger and talk to my sponsor about it.
I plan to do everything to get better but truth be told I am so sick over this and still cry every time I'm alone. I feel like I don't deserve to exist. I thought the problem was alcohol but after 2 years of therapy and a year of sobriety I am still doing things like this. I haven't even told my best friend because after the last incident where I threatened and hit her dad after accusing him of molesting his daughter, she said she lost respect for me (since that incident I got sober and discussed with a therapist and dad has forgiven me, but still.)