What is love?

I've always found myself in relationships in the past being the emotional caretaker of emotionally unstable and emotionally impulsive women. I did all the emotional labor or having to justify, argue, defend and explain if my partner was being irrational and accusing me or blaming me for stuff. i went to therapy for a couple years and discovered that it comes from my childhood of seeing the same dynamic between my mum and my dad. My dad, also taught me to never hold women accountable, and no matter what, it's our job as men to make things right, apologize, forgive, supplicate etc. even if the women we love are being unreasonable or irrational or dare I say downright emotionally abusive and toxic. So I became codependent, and always put the needs of my mum and sister before mine, just like dad did. My therapist also helped me realize that I had subconsciously seeked out relationships with partners that would recreate that same codependent dynamic. i.e. me being the door mat her being the "princess"

That is how I always understood love to be. i.e. put my needs at the bottom of the pile and be at their beck and call physically, mentally and emotionally 24/7.

So now with this awareness, I realize this has to change, but my question is.. So if what I've always understood as love isn't love, then what is? How does it feel, look like etc? I asked two therapists this and they were both dumbfounded.