Is it time to walk away?
My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for a little over 1. 20m and 20f. I know; we were young and dumb for getting married. We thought we were bigger than the world. As the title states, yes. My husband had outright told me on plenty of occasions “I don’t like you”. Even as far as to say “I don’t love you”. My response is always the same. “So what do you want to do about it” hoping he’d say a divorce. He never does. He has ADHD, which plays a significant role in his temperament. He’s very quick to anger. He’s rude. The nicest way to put it is an asshole.
It hasn’t always been this way. It started to become significantly worse when I joined the military. (We live together so distance isn’t a factor). He struggles with keeping a job. It’s always something someone did that leads him to feel he just cant work there anymore. He then acts like a bitch for the next month or two until he finds a new job. Here’s the kicker. He always calls me selfish, and gets upset when it’s his turn to pay for things. He believes since he’s “broke” (he has a savings but it’s less than what I have) I’m selfish for making him pay for things. Even though he’s the one that QUIT. He owes me money, but when I ask for it he gets upset.
Last week, I got a notification in my bank account for $25k pending. It was a miracle. It was a backpay from social security that I was completely blind sighted by. Since this, he has been a lot more cold to me. And constantly brings it up. I’m almost certain he feels entitled to some of it. To make a long story short; I feel he is at the very least envious of my career, and finances. I also worked very hard to get here.
There’s so much more. I used to be so head over heels in love with him. He’s my first everything. But as time goes on, I can clearly understand the man I want to spend the rest of my life with would never treat me the way he does. At this point; it’s just embarrassment. Everyone around me thinks I have it figured out- that I’m so happy etc. I’m embarrassed to file for divorce as of now and want to give it just a little bit longer for me to be smart and make a plan. As well as give time for a miracle to happen. I hope once he gets settled in a career, he will be more confident in himself and be a happier person.
He thinks I will never leave. I think about the day I can take my dog and cat and tell him to get the fuck out or I leave myself. To go on dates. To be treated like I’m loved. To experience the touch of a man who truly loves me. To not be controlled. To not have to act like a grown man’s mother. His mom put him out of the house at 17. It’s easy to fall for his pity party but as time goes on. I understand. He’s a fucking bitch. I’m too kind, intelligent, and beautiful to put up with the sickening treatment. Someone give me kinds words- or even share your experiences. Give me hope it gets better. Even if it’s not with him.