Me and my girlfriend have been dating for the past 2 years, while our relationship is rather stable, I truly hate her friend. My gf has also been a really introverted person, which is why she only have 1 "true" friend to begin with. I have always been fine with her friend until her friend broke up cuz she cheated on her man, since then, her "friend" has always brought my gf to different nightclubs and bars where they either drink non stop or smoke weed. Not only that, but she constantly insist on introducing new males to my gf and telling her that cheating on me is not a big deal, which is where I kinda drew the line and think its too much.
Even though I have known this for a while, I have never tried addressing the problem until yesterday where my gf told me that there was this one guy at the party (her friend brought my gf to) who were supposed to drive my gf back home alone (Idk why this happened in the first place) but instead have brought her to downtown to party even more during midnight without my gf's permission. I do trust that my gf is being honest here as she has always been an extremly introverted person and has always not know how to properly reject someone, but this geniuenly makes me feel awful.
I am also currently a freshman in a STEM program, which makes me use most of my free time in studying and we only see each other during the weekend
I genuienly hate her friend and I believe she is slowing destroying my relationship between me and my gf, but idk what to do. I had thought of a few options:
- tell my gf to never hang out with her fd again, but again, my gf is a very introverted person and my gf believes she is her only true friend (also I believe is a very controlling approach)
- do nothing
- break up (which i dont want to)
I need to end this post with a question? (Sorry for bad english, its not my first language)
13 comments
Awww you really love her! That’s important… Sorry but she is at that age where she will need to party. Really hoping the best for you Sir 👑❤️ I got nooo advice lol
i think you should talk to ur gf about how that behavior affects your relationship. see if the scenario was reversed if she would be comfortable. her friend can entertain guys but ur gf isn’t in the same situation … unless thats something she’s interested in? as a stem major u don’t need extra stressors
Dude a rotten apple will spoil the bunch, her friend is a problem. I don’t know what it is with women but there’s always that one friend. It’s up to your girl to put an end to it.
If you trust your gf, you don’t have a problem.
4. Draw the line.
On one side, we have a life with you. On the other, she can end up as dejected and alone as her friend. Partying, drinking, promiscuity. That’s all fine, but don’t expect you to be waiting for her afterwards.
Your feelings are valid and this is about trust and safety, not jealousy. You cant control who she sees, but you can calmly explain how these situations make you uncomfortable and why. Focus on your needs and boundaries rather than her friend. A healthy relationship requires both people to protect it through honest communication
Be careful ‘forcing’ her to stop talking to the friend.
I (27) have been in my fair share of female friend groups and those single friends always want you to join them in their single misery. It happens. She probably gets super hypocritically supportive of your relationship WHEN she has a man too but wants to drag her friends down when she doesn’t. Some chicks are weird like that.
The thing is.. once that thing about her trying to convince her that it’s okay to cheat came up, she should have cut her off. That’s kind of wild to me that she would admit that and then keep kicking it with her. It’s extremely disrespectful to you imo. That being said, her admitting it is also a really good sign. If you’re going to cheat, you’re not going to throw that out there. So id say that’s a bit of a good sign. The things she’s admitting to you are things an honest person would cop up to and she’s being honest man..
When we’re younger and a bit more introverted, it’s nice to just observe the crazy friends once in a while. I’ve done it. Body count is on one hand. Have kicked it with girls in the dozens. Never once felt like I needed to join in on the bullshit.
Don’t assume the worst. Just let her know that her actions (continuing to kick it w someone who advocates for her to essentially disrespect you) is making you feel uneasy. Tell her you trust her but that you rightfully feel off seeing her continue to hang out w someone w morals like that. Ask her how she would feel the other way around.
Your feelings are extremely valid. I would not be okay w this even at this age and I definitely would be bringing it up.
My ex was shy but she’d have no problem rejecting someone or saying she has a bf and def wouldnt let a stranger drive her home alone.
Either way, yk the bsf is a bad influence and its constant. I would tell you to talk with your gf and tell her she shouldnt go out w her anymore, or at least minimize the amount of times they do. Another option is for you to go out with her as well. See what the bsf actually does and acts like when theyre out.
What kind of a fake introvert is this girl? The whole point of being an introvert is to avoid those kind of situations. It’s one thing to go somewhere with your friend, but going somewhere with your friend to meet other people, when you’re in a relationship, is not introvert behavior.
She needs the talk, her friend clearly wants her to be single.
4. Set a (healthy) boundary. You can’t force your gf to never talk to her friend, she has her own conscious mind to do that willingly. If she doesn’t know how to reject or confront other people because of being extremely introverted, if she wants to, she can just ghost her friend. SHE KNOWS the friend is a bad influence. At this point, she’s choosing to hang out with him believing he “needs” her. Step up as her bf; talk to your gf and her friend. You can tell your gf that while you trust her, she will eventually adapt her friend’s behavior as he keeps insisting it’s “ok” to cheat on you and explain how it makes you feel about her going to clubs and bars with guys constantly being introduced to her. She’s still a girl and very vulnerable if there’s a lot of unknown men. I doubt the friend will protect her. Tell the friend that he can have fun on his own (e.g find girls/guys to hookup with at the bar) while he’s with your gf but not tagging the gf as also free. If they both disagree, it’s best to let go and live on. I bet the friend even likes your gf and he keeps introducing guys to her to test if she’ll bite back.
Being a freshie STEM is alr stressful enough, my dude. Choose peace of mind while it’s still early.
I see your perspective, but I am afraid that is not your place to draw the line. You yourself admit that it is a controlling approach so your mind and your heart are telling you that is not the correct way to go. Also, if you break up with her based on this, would probably lead both of you on to a negative path, because nothing has happened that motivated that on her behalf.
My advice would be for you to express your perspective to your girlfriend and make her see that her friend is not acting in a healthy manner. Maybe she can even help her friend. Try to think of her as misguided person rather than the devil and things will probably improve for all of you.
If your GF isn’t going to handle this problem, it’s not on you. If she thinks it’s ok to hang out with a person who says it’s ok to cheat. then why are you with this girl? If you play with pigs expect to get covered in mud a shit.
You are fully in the right to have boundaries, and if she crosses them, you are fully in the right to end the relationship. If that behavior makes you stressed/anxious, just end it.
I personally would never be with someone that puts herself in such situations, it will inevitably bring issues, and it s lack of respect. Somebody that loves you wouldn’t even be in such places without you. Sad, good luck man.