My husband and I got married a couple of months ago. We are so, so happy to be together. We didn’t have sex before we got married, he’d never had sex and was waiting for marriage. I agreed that was fine, I had come out of an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship so I needed time to heal.
A few years before we got married, he told me he was working through prn addction and had been for most of his life. I approached it with grace and understanding and told him I was proud of him and would always be there if he needed to talk about it/needed help.
We didn’t talk about it much. I didn’t really know how to and didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable or embarrassed. Occasionally I’d ask him how it was going and whatnot, he’d give a vague answer like “good” or “I’ve been doing well for months”. So I’d tell him to please tell me when he was struggling again. He agreed.
Fast forward to the day after our wedding. He took a blu chew and wanted to try. FINALLYYYY. I was so pumped. I couldn’t wait to give myself to someone I trust.
Well. It didn’t happen. He couldn’t stay hard. He told me he relapsed after 6 MONTHS of not getting off to prn. He hadn’t told me that he was struggling again. I had no idea.
I’m upset he didn’t tell me. I’m upset that he didn’t come to me or at least tell me he was still struggling. I was expecting him to communicate with me these issues, as we talked about being open about these things before. I told him I went to therapy to help talk through my rpe and trauma from the last relationship. I did what I needed to do to prepare myself sexually for this marriage. And I’m frustrated I didn’t get reciprocity.
Men that have also struggled with this addiction, please help me out. Any tips, any suggestions, how can I be supportive? Will it get better?
I’ve never wanted to please a man sexually so badly in my life and so frustrated that I can’t. I want to be intimate with him so badly, that I cry. Is there hope? I’m at a loss of what to do, if there’s anything I can do….