My girlfriend has a long history of procrastination. She often puts things off until the last minute and has missed many deadlines because of it. Recently, she told me that the only way she can feel better and start doing things is if I give her validation and praise by telling her that she’s "superior to others". She says this kind of validation is necessary for her to function.
I told her I want to support her, but I’m not comfortable saying things I don’t believe. I’m fine encouraging effort, progress, or acknowledging that things are hard, but saying she’s “better than others” feels dishonest and unhealthy to me.
She then told me that I don’t understand her and that if I can’t do this for her, she’ll ask her friends to do it instead. At that point, I felt extremely irritated and ended up getting angry and yelling. I regret losing my temper, but I also felt pushed into a corner and emotionally pressured to agree to something that crosses my boundaries.
Now I’m conflicted. I care about her and want to help, but I don’t know how to support someone who says they need external validation to act and frames it as the only option.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you support a partner without becoming responsible for their self-worth or being asked to lie to motivate them?