I loved my 1st born more than anything, but i found fatherhood incredibly stressful. Headaches, stomach aches, panic attacks. Fatherhood for me was only love and worry.
So I didn't want a 2nd child, but my wife did. So much so that she told me she'd leave me if I didn't agree.
I felt sure this would lead to a breakdown. I would lose my mind, but I agreed because despite my anxiety I didn't want to just see my 1st born on weekends.
So against my will, I had unprotected sex with her.
And for the following 20 years, sex has felt like something you have to do to get a woman pregnant. Nothing more.
I still desire my wife greatly and want to do everything but sex with her, but the thing foreplay leads to, feels like an empty chore. A fine i have to pay for intimacy with her.