Grey Divorce: Is it really selfish to leave a marriage that functions perfectly for one person while quietly erasing the other?
Or is grey divorce only considered “tragic” because it exposes how many people stay in emotionally empty marriages out of fear, inertia, or optics?
8 comments
My STBX only stayed to hide his homosexuality and wasted 25 years of my life so yeah, staying for other reasons AND NOT FOR LOVE is selfish. At this point the whole marriage was a lie.
becoming the person you want to be while in the relationship is not easy, but it’s actually your responsibility. When you become the person you want to be, your partner should appreciate the change and maybe even follow suit. I had a selfish partner who couldn’t work on herself while in the relationship, now she’s doing exactly what she needed to do from before, and we’re both stuck handling double the responsibilities. change first on the inside however possible
If you gotta ask when it’s time to bail, you prob already know the answer.
As someone who left a relationship where I was basically only seen as a maid and personal chef who was expected to do Everything to keep the house together, the best thing I ever did for both of us was leave. I found myself again, and only chose partners that respected me as a person and share the load. I ended up happy in life and my marriage, because I knew myself better and am not erased by my partner anymore.
I have no idea what happened with my ex, but I’m assuming he had to learn how to cook and clean for himself, or at the very least what he needed to buy at the store, and how to schedule his own appointments. Maybe that’s too big of an assumption, but I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
How does this happen? How can your marriage be great for you but not for the other? It sounds to me like a lack of communication. If I was perfectly happy and felt like my marriage was functioning well but then my partner communicated to me that it was going bad for them then now it’s no longer good for me either. Communicate first and then decide on the next step
Don’t make your decision based on what you think is society’s perception of grey divorce. You’re the one who has to live in your relationship, or leave it.
FWIW, I haven’t really seen it portrayed as unusually tragic. A lot of times the reaction is more “wow, I never knew Grandma/Grandpa had it in her/him to leave!”
ETA, oh never mind, you’re writing AI posts all over the place with divorce lawyer tips. This is market research, isn’t it?
At the moment you decide to get married
The partner it’s not working out for has agency to communicate what needs to be better. Counseling is a great option. It’s selfish if one person is forced to be in the relationship against their will when leaving is an option.