I saw someone else do this and have been sitting on this letter to my husband for a few weeks. Hoping this will paint a completeish picture so I can get some real advice/perspective. So here it is.. please be kind..
You are a liar and an addict.
And when you are lying and smoking you are mean. You’re short-tempered, unengaged, and lazy. When you/we are in this hole you’re especially hard on me in front of my family. This is beyond embarrassing, it’s truly gut wrenching and devastating for me.
I’ve “known” for a couple weeks when you smoked the night before our trip. I spinelessly chose to ignore it, for the sake of the trip, for our son, and for my own sanity. This only occurred a couple weeks after “the last time.” How pathetic, on both our parts. It’s laughable really.
You’re smoking consistently and now it appears to be enough to profoundly impact your mood, temperament, energy…
You are selfish. And it’s time for you wake up to the realities of our relationship and your situation.
Do not ask me “what do you want me to do”
Do not tell me “I’m working on it”
Do not tell me “it doesn’t happen overnight”
Do not villainize me for “expecting too much”
Do not use other things in our relationship as argument tactics
You ask me “what’s wrong” and wonder why we don’t have enough sex. How can I fake being happy and intimate with someone who lies to my face week after week. Better yet, how can I be happy and intimate with someone who seemingly values marijuana over their marriage, best friend, and mother of their child.
I have bad news for you. Your therapist sucks and has enabled you into thinking that you don’t have a problem. That your weed “dependency” is the same as needing a few cups of coffee. We both know that one of the core pillars of addiction is impacts on relationships. I’ll leave it at that.
Take. Real. Responsibility, action, and accountability. Accept, that despite other and inevitable relationship quirks and tensions, this is different. I won’t say it’s isolated, because I do believe that the dynamic that’s been created has made for dysfunction in other areas.
I refuse to walk around our house feeling like the bad guy and not speaking. However, this is all I am going to say. The responsibility now lies with you. If / when you want to have a conversation with me, you need to come to me with something to say. I will not respond to random prompts like “so is this how it’s gonna be now?”