Hi! 33M here, CSA survivor who’s done a lot of therapy and is now at the point in my recovery where my sexual desire is off the charts.
I’ve finally felt the natural desire and pull to kiss, touch, and pleasure my partner (33F) – honestly, it plays like movies in my mind every time I see her or look at her. I’ve had a few make outs over the last few weeks where I’ve finally felt my natural full body desire surge and an overwhelming need to get closer and kiss her all over. I know this sounds basic, but because of my CSA and hyposexual response, this is new to me.
These feelings and desires have mostly been blocked for the 10 years of our relationship. I gravitated to solo release because sex felt like an unsafe performance – our sex life was basically non-existent except for the few times she would initiate. I was unable to do anything other than perform for her as well, which she picked up on.
It really sucks that we lived through that but we got to work on a lot of other aspects of our relationship. Therapy was hard but I’m feeling better than ever in this respect and I have such a strong “itch” to get to having sex again (not quite at PIV or having her stimulate me yet, just working on stimulating her for now).
I need some help channeling this new energy and feelings into her. As part of my recovery we have scheduled cuddles where I can lead and build up my desire to move beyond a makeout in a way that feels safe for me. But I’d also like to help her feel desired outside of the bedroom too. I think all the years of my lack of initiation and positive affirmation has worn down her self image, and I want to change that!
I guess, what can a guy do to make her girl feel irresistible without overwhelming her or coming across as cheesy or forced? My ultimate fantasy right now is to have her be so turned on by me that she can’t wait for me to go down on her and help her indulge!