Me(23f) and my boyfriend (23f), both are doing LDR for the last 6months and have been in a serious relationship for 8months in totality. We both love each other very deeply, but we have started fighting a lot, over petty stuff, most of which wont be an issue if we were together.
There is one topic though that we fight a lot on, and over everything else, that is the one that bugs me a lot. Ive always felt like he has wandering eyes, he has admitted it, i have lowkey seen him, plus even though i genuinely believe he is in love with me, i cant help but compare myself with other women, and just ingeneral hate it, because i really only have eyes for him. We were talking about something and he downloaded hinge for 30 mins when we were apparently broken up for 5 days… (things were really complicated we were talking but we were scared to get into and LDR, hence the time off) i felt really bad, and asked him if he wanted to see other women, and just look at them, and he told me that our break up bothered him so much, that he just wanted to do something and so he downloaded hinge but felt bad.
Things got super heated, i told him that he makes me feel not good about myself, and he has told me that i was never his physical type until he saw me (i am low-key chubby). I looked past it, cause i have been grinding it at the gym and reaching my dream body, so i try to use it as motivation. and even though i really sometimes overthink and overlook what his “appreciation of female beauty” does to my self image, it still gets the best of me time and again.
At the end of our convo, we were really devastated an i had been crying constantly cause i loved him but i cant keep feeling bad about myself. One thing led to another and i said that i feel like just another body for him, with a good personality thats why he is with me. he said that “ dont feel bad but if physical attributes were the only thing i was looking for then I would have never hit on you”
It took me by surprise and every time he has called me desirable has went down in the drain. He said twice in this conversation “that i just wish you were fitter otherwise also you’re really beautiful to me”
But idk, i cant look past it. I am actively working on my health, i eat well, i go to the gym 4-5x timeS and am on a weight loss journey so i dont mind him pushing me here and thre, but i dont want to spend and invest so much love and energy on someone who feels this way for me.
TL;DR : Me and my partner love each other deeply but he said that he wouldn’t go for me if physical attributes is the only thing he is looking for. And has said this time and again. I used to be fat, and have come a long way so idm some push here and there but this was too much.