First and foremost, I don’t think this is completely my boyfriend’s fault. It’s a me thing that I just can’t seem to get over no matter how much he reassures me.
Me and my boyfriend used to have a pretty active and fun sex life until recently. He made a comment one night about something which made me very self conscious. I started to worry something was wrong with me and because I had never noticed myself, started to spiral. I asked him more questions but he couldn’t elaborate any further whatsoever and just doubled down that it was just “something he noticed”.
It bothered me so much tho that I went to the doctor and even they told me they didn’t think anything was wrong because there was nothing for them to even examine due to there being zero symptoms and zero signs of any abnormalities, which I expected but I still just went for the extra confirmation.
Before I met my boyfriend I thought I was asexual because I always told myself that not having sex was far more appealing than worrying about something being “wrong” with me being pointed out, whether it be the color of something, how it looked, or it’s smell, I would have rather refrained from sex fully and I was dead set on this belief, completely content with it even- until I met him. I’ve always been so comfortable with him and have never felt bad about myself until his comment. I know he didn’t mean any harm by it and he’s assured me there’s nothing wrong with me but I still feel so embarrassed bc of his original comment and how it was handled at the time.
I feel like it’s really just something I need to work on inwardly but I can’t stop feeling ashamed of myself now. I want to have sex again and have that connection with him but I feel like I used to feel before meeting him all over again.
Last night he wanted to have sex (it’s been almost a month) and he asked if I was ready. I told him I didn’t know but he carried on. So I went with it, thinking if I just took the leap I would feel better about it all. That was totally wrong. Immediately after he finished I couldn’t stop crying. I felt so embarrassed and self conscious, and just dirty. I don’t know how to feel comfortable with myself again and it’s ruining sex for me. I feel so sad. I want it again but my mind just won’t let me.
How do I overcome this feeling?
TL;DR: My boyfriend commented about something to do with my body after sex. It made me feel very self conscious and anxious. We abstained for a month because of this but after trying again finally I still feel bad about myself, worse even.