I 29(F) came home early on Christmas eve eve because I was sick. I saw my husband's 29 (M) pc open with WhatsApp chats. I went on it and i saw cheating messages on it and immediately got sad,mad,pissed all the feelings in one. I called his mom told her everything. After going through the chat I saw the female is one of his co workers in work. I know his friend group but I didn't know this girl really. I got one of his other co workers number a female, and called her she did not andwer at first. I called my husband and asked him what happened is this real. He didnt not answer immediately. I asked him if it is messages to himself he paused a while and said yes. He told me wait till he comes home hed explain everything. I had already left the house so while driving he said hes home and tried explaining i told him wait and i went back home. At home he told me he was messaging himself for a while now knowing id go in his whatsapp so id see it and feel jealous and start caring for him. (He gave me reason in the past to not trust him i told him that and he kept telling me all my issues i brought before and had arguments about was because I'm insecure. That hurt me. Because I came to him before with everything that hurt me and he turned around and hurt me with everything i told him about. I've been with him for 15 years.) We argued I still felt like he didn't hear how he hurt me or understood how his actions hurt me.
I packed a bag and left. While driving the other co worker I was calling before called back.
I introduced myself as my husband's wife and stated I just wanted to find out if she knew the number and the person. Whilst talking she asked what happened and I told her what he did and to check in on him because I know he is in a state and he hurt me cause he made it seem like he was cheating on me with someone at work just to rile me up to get me to "care more" and feel jealous..
She didn't know the number and she told me she's sorry I'm going through this.
Fast forward to coming back home the next day after I took time to clear my head..
We had another argument. He told me I was wrong for calling his co worker and involving her.
He told me he wasn't cheating with anybody and was messaging himself and showed me how he did it.
He told me I left him for the night and it seems that I dont love him anymore.
He told me all my issues I have and all the concerns I brought before that caused arguments was because I was insecure.
He told me he did this because he couldn't handle the arguments about how he hurt me so he did this to make me care n be jealous and be a better wife.
Every single time I brought out my issues in the past he had "logical" responses as to why he did it. Every single time he hurt me I told him what hurt me what not to do etc. Everytime i went for a drive to clear my head or slept in another room j was wrong for doing it.
Every time I brought up issues in the past it was me causing the arguments and not loving him and "just wanted to argue" and if something else was solved I would just find something else to argue about. I had pictures of all the messages and everything he did to hurt me in the past and he told me delete it so we can start fresh. I fell for it n deleted everything and now he's acting like he was right in how he treated me after I told him how he hurt me and I cant get over it jusso. He's still using sarcastic remarks and telling me I'm always serious with him and cant take a joke and how if he wanted to cheat he could've and I would've never found out but he doesnt cheat and won't cheat on me cause he loves me alone.
I'm confused.
Was I wrong for checking the messages? (He told me I was wrong for going in his messages looking for something)
Was i wrong for contacting the coworker and by talking to her she knows what went on? (He told me I was wrong for bringing his work involved and he has a reputation to uphold. To me it seems like he cares more about his image rather than how he treats me)
Was I wrong for spending a night away to clear my head?
Was i wrong for being mad in general and not knowing n what to do anymore?