Me (33), wife (32F) been married for 7 years, we have 2 kids. for the first few years, sex was great. not just the physical part but the connection. then about 3 years ago it slowed down.. a lot. now we're basically roommates who co-parent. ive tried initiating, ive tried talking about it, ive tried planning date nights, even helping more around the house. Every time I bring it up, she says she's too tired or not in the mood or that i make her feel pressured by even bringing it up.
So about a year ago, I just… stopped. Stopped doing the little things I used to do for her, making coffee in the morning, leaving notes, fixing things right away, giving her massages, planning surprises. I still pull my weight with chores and the kids, but the “extras” felt pointless when I’m basically being treated like a platonic roommate.
Now she’s upset that I’ve “changed” and that I’m “not as loving anymore.” I told her straight up that love feels different when it’s one-sided. She says I’m punishing her for not having sex with me, and maybe she’s right, but I’m also just tired of feeling rejected over and over.
I know marriage is about more than sex, but if theres zero intimacy, what are we? Im starting to feel like we’re just staying together for the kids and the mortgage.
Anyone else been in this spot? Am I being petty, or is this just a natural reaction when your needs are ignored for years?