Me (32F) and my husband (32M) have been married 8 years and have 2 young children the age of 5. One thing about him is he’s never once confessed to doing anything wrong in our marriage. It’s always him being caught then he cries and apologizes. Our first year of marriage he reached out to two of his ex’s saying “idk what I was expecting but I just wanted to talk to someone I knew liked me” .. I’ve always felt he married me because I was there when he was finally ready to settle down. I constantly catch him checking other women out or watching things he shouldn’t be. He’s very patient and kind to everyone so I know opening up to anyone will ruin his reputation, but I also don’t think anyone will believe that he’s not this perfect man and I’m being dramatic. Lately I’ve caught myself thinking I’d never leave because I love my children too much and don’t trust who he will have around them and what they might be exposed to when I’m not around.
We both love our children deeply and never argue around them. We both put on a smile and show up daily.
How do I move past the feeling of being picked because I was the easy choice? And how do I let myself live instead of counting down the days till they’re older so “I can maybe leave”?