Hi everyone, apologies for the long post.
I’m (26F) deeply in love with someone (27M), we both live abroad (although in different coutnries) and things got serious quickly. But his family has been putting extreme pressure on him about me. They’d already tried setting him up with a distant cousin and seem to believe anyone he chooses would be inadequate. He says it's about “protecting their assets,” not personal feelings; they barely know anything about me, and both our families are well-off, so this isn’t about me or what I bring to the table.
He’s generally passive, very conflict-averse, and avoids upsetting people. After a week of pushing back against his family, he told me he’s close to giving up. I’ve been trying to encourage him to stand firm and make his own choice, but I worry the pressure might simply be too much for him.
We both come from a culture that deeply values family and respect for parents, which makes this even harder. I want a relationship where we’re both actively choosing each other; not surviving because someone tolerates it.
I’m terrified of losing him and the heartbreak it would cause, but I also don’t want to be in a relationship where love exists only under someone else’s control.
Has anyone navigated something like this? How do you know whether someone will actually choose their partner, rather than letting outside pressure decide for them?