I’m not sure what is going on with my husband and could use some advice.
For background:
We have been married ten years, we have 2 children (4 and 2). Up until the last 2 years or so, things were always great between us.
The past two years have been stressful with work and two kids and family. But I’ve always felt things were still strong between us.
We are still affectionate: we cuddle, hold hands and kiss. But we haven’t had sex in 2 years. He’s said work makes him too stressed, and that my post-pregnancy body isn’t attractive to him. I try my best to take care of myself, but I know I’m still overweight and my body has changed since the kids.
This is where I need advice:
Recently I was gathering photos of the kids from his phone— he gave me permission and we know each other’s passcodes. I saw a text message come through from a woman’s name I didn’t recognize, saying “thanks for the deposit!” Thinking it was just spam, I looked at the message. There were many, between him and this woman. Organizing dates and times to meet at her apartment, and always with him messaging that he had sent a deposit or sent her money.
I asked him who the woman was? He was very nervous and didn’t want to say. I pressed and he said she was just a friend from work he’s been hanging out with. And the payments were in reference to dinners they shared. The dates of the messages are the same as days he said he was going to visit a friend.
Something still didn’t sit right with me, the text messages didn’t seem like it was with a friend. More just transactional? So I looked at our bank statements. Over the last few months he’s paid over TWO THOUSAND DOLLARS to this woman. The transactions say it’s through Venmo, to this woman via “cuddle comfort”.
It’s a website for meeting with people for cuddling?? Has anyone heard of this service or website? Is he really paying this much money for just cuddling? I’m also concerned he’s been lying for months and not contributing to our family’s savings so he could pay her for these visits instead.
What should I do?