Hello, I am definitely going through a quarter life crisis, so I am just going to get straight into it. I am a 24 year old woman, and I have always been validated by my looks. Because of that, I never really focused on building my personality. I had a lot going on while working on my mental health, and I found somewhat more peace. I ended up deleting social media and removing myself from my peers just to look more inwards.
Here is the thing though. I feel like there are two versions of me, and I have to choose between them because it is affecting my social life (I will explain more). One version of me is genuinely extroverted, outgoing, and loves going out and being around people from different cultures, backgrounds, and ages.
Then there is another version of me who loves being alone, values genuine connections, believes less is more, and enjoys simple, slow living.
I cannot choose, and they feel like complete opposites. Because of this, I have very different friend groups, and I find it confusing. I keep asking myself who tf I even am. I am taking a break from school to find myself, but I genuinely feel stuck. In the past, I chose one version and then completely changed my mind six months later. This creates inconsistency in who I am, and it often becomes a problem in friendships because people expect me to be a certain way.
I have tried integrating the two, but they feel so different. Polar opposite. As in values, worldview, attitude. Everything. Its like I dont know how to balance anything. It is also why I cannot mesh my friend groups, and why I feel weird introducing two friends who know completely different sides of me. I am also at an age where it feels expected that you are a person, like you should know your values or at least be figuring them out. But I keep jumping from one to another, and I cannot keep doing this. It is tiring, inconsistent, and it gets in the way of developing real friendships.
I am also done with disappearing from social media and want to come back. Not obsessed with using it, but just existing there as I am, to signal more reliability within my friendships, which now feel more like acquaintances.
What do I do to move forward? As I said, I am taking a break from school to get my life together, but I have been battling this issue since 2023 and 2024.
How do I choose and then stick to my identity/personality with consistency!
I AM TRULY TIRED OF MYSELF
… it doesnt help also that my family calls me a chamelon, which means i take on other peoples personality the more i hangout with them.