This past year has been a real challenge for me in dating. I put genuine effort into trying to meet a long-term partner, and while I learned a lot, it didn’t lead where I hoped. At this point, rather than continuing to push for ‘the one’ at all costs, I’ve decided to focus next year on safe, fulfilling intimacy in a way that still feels aligned with my values.
I’d love to hear from people who previously only felt comfortable with intimacy within relationships, but later chose to explore a safe, respectful, monogamous FWB arrangement.
I’m especially curious about:
• Where you met or sought these connections?
• How you approached it emotionally and practically?
• How you vetted someone to ensure it stayed respectful, safe, and drama free?
• What boundaries or structures helped it feel grounded rather than destabilising?
• How you shifted your mindset so you could actually enjoy the connection without feeling anxious, overly attached, or conflicted?
I’m not looking for advice about casual hookups or non exclusive situations. I’m specifically interested in experiences that involved mutual respect, clear communication, sexual health awareness, and exclusivity while seeing each other, even without a traditional relationship trajectory.
If you’ve been in this position and found something that worked, or learned important lessons along the way, I’d really appreciate hearing your perspective.
EDIT so I don’t have to keep relying: I have a secure leaning previously anxious attachment style.
I have spent the last couple of years going to over 30 singles events and on dating apps and paid for premiums too.
I often get complimented about my appearance and personality and am a survivor of abusive relationships with 4 years of ongoing therapy.
I would like to try a different approach to getting my physical intimacy needs met because I am mentally burnt out with the search for a relationship after my most recent ex boyfriend of 9 months who was amazing throughout ghosted me without an explanation 4 months ago.