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I posted this yesterday in r/breakups (and have commented many times about my breakup here) but I wanted to post it again in here. It sums up my feelings pretty well:
We are both 34, and he will be turning 35 in a few weeks. We started dating in September of last year, made it official in October, and spent time with each other’s families over the holidays. I genuinely loved being around his parents, sister, and brother-in-law, and I looked forward to becoming more integrated into their family as the relationship grew and celebrating with them again this year.
Throughout the relationship, we both spent time with each other’s families, though he spent much more time with mine since they lived closer. He came to my brother’s wedding and is in our family photos, which are now hanging on my parents’ walls.
The year we spent together was the first time I ever felt truly safe and secure in a relationship. It was the happiest I have ever been.
In September, a few days before we were supposed to go on a vacation to celebrate our first anniversary, he blindsided me with a breakup. During that conversation, he listed grievances I had no idea were issues. Aside from a generic, ChatGPT-written non-apology he sent a week later, I have not heard from him since. I have shared more details in other posts and comments for anyone interested.
It has been about four and a half months since the breakup. I am not crying every day anymore, but the holiday season has been especially hard. Most days, I feel like I am just going through the motions of life, and I hate that feeling. All I want to do is lie in bed and scroll TikTok, even though I know it is not helping.
I miss the hope I had when I was with him. I miss feeling loved and emotionally safe. I do not actually miss him as a person. I miss how I felt in the relationship and who I was when I believed I was building something real.
I am mostly posting this because I needed somewhere to put it. I cannot really talk to anyone in my life about it anymore.
Lately, I keep thinking about the song “Blue Christmas,” about blue teardrops falling while the other person seems to be doing just fine, enjoying a Christmas of white (even though we’re in Florida, but you catch my drift).
On one hand, I was hoping he would text. On the other, I knew he wouldn’t, and that even if he did it would’ve been disappointing and/or hurtful.
I hate that I’m letting someone who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me live rent free in my brain for so long. I just feel like nothing makes me happy anymore.
Well there were a lot of lonely men on Christmas because I got “hey stranger” texts from at least three exes from this year. I don’t understand why any ex would do that on Christmas. I didn’t respond to any of them. Disrespectful.
Dog owners, do any of you have to do anything special to distract your dog during sexy times? The guy I’m seeing has a dog who’s clingy by his own admission lol and she probably wouldn’t be happy with being relegated to a different room (I’m the first person he’s dated since he got her)
I was supposed to have a date with my bf today but the stupid snowstorm ruined it. I’m sad. I just wanted to see him while I had time off work 🙁
Tfw you’re miserable being single but don’t want to date at all
Put together a bookcase yesterday during the holiday, looking forward to finally making some progress on getting my small space in this house more organized.
I met a man last week for a real firstdate after a year of no dating app(s). I was so excited because this time it was the guy asking me out. (In the past, it was always me who initiated meetup.)
He planned. He communicated and he’s adorable. For a man who is quite top in his career field, he is humble and he makes life simple.
One of my friends said it’s a puppy stage. (We’ve met last week.) But I find that I feel less butterfly, I feel comfort and safe around him. I don’t feel I am audition for the role of girlfriend. I even feel much more myself than I have ever felt. Basically I feel like I am with my closefriend but more affectionate.
I don’t know how things will go from here. But it is a good start. And I am looking forward to have this man in my life for long long time.
Why don’t people just say they don’t like you enough or that they’re not interested in you romantically and just say they don’t want a relationship proceeding to tell you how much they like you, that they will come back, that they will reach out soon and all this confusing crap??? I feel like such an idiot for falling for it every time.
My boyfriend (early 40s, dating 10 months) fucked up my Christmas gift. One was a cute hat but the other, which is the first piece of jewelry he’s gotten me so IMHO should be meaningful, is cheap junk. He got it on Christmas Eve, didn’t wrap it and didn’t put it in a gift bag. He legit opened the package and handed it to me while he was gaming. Amazon lists both items as $15 and $6 respectfully. The hat is probably worth $5, the jewelry is worth nothing though.
If he had seen the necklace I don’t think he’d have given it to me. But the whole thing just felt bad. And I think part of it is he’s been gaming a lot when I’m at his house and I often feel like he’s not spending quality time with me. Like I’m just watching the back of his head while he games for hours and hours. I’ll ask to watch a movie or play a card game and he will put it off, I checked out two movies to watch from the library and had them so long they were overdue before he watched one. He has board game nights with friends but I can’t get him to play a game because he’s playing his video game.
So I wrote a letter to tell him (which I don’t intend to give him), cried, went to sleep, woke up, and think I figured out how to talk about it? Wanted to see if I could get any feedback.
I’m going to say I love you, etc. Then something like “I felt really unappreciated when you gave me my gifts. It felt like I was unimportant when you just handed them to me by your computer, like your game was more important than me. “ Then I’m going to show him the jewelry. Say something like “I don’t think you would have given this to me if you had the time to look at it, I’m allergic to it so it’s made of nickel, and the stone is plastic, it’s for a child. I don’t need expensive gifts but getting gifts you spent time picking out means a lot to me, even if it was just flowers at the grocery store or some chocolates you thought I’d like.”
After that something like that “I think why I felt so hurt was because you’ve been gaming more and more, and then when I get the chance to talk to you you’re exhausted and falling asleep. I need to figure out a way we can be more intentional with the time we spend together while still giving you time to game. I don’t want to stare at the back of your head for hours wishing the internet would go out. Maybe that’s scheduling time to do things like play a game or watch a movie, or maybe it’s something else, but we need to figure it out. I don’t want to keep feeling hurt”.
Sorry that’s long.
Thoughts on framing the discussion? Outside of “he sucks and is self centered break up with him” which… isn’t what I’m looking for. I know full well if he doesn’t fix this it will end in us breaking up but I need him to know it needs to be fixed first.
What did you get for Christmas?
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At home for the holidays – many mixes of emotions. My parents are aging and I’m grateful to spend quality time with them, but they are so deeply unhappy in their marriage and their little passive aggressive spats come up almost immediately no matter how many times I tell them to PLEASE not fight during the short time I’m there. They are the root cause of my dating problems. I never had a genuinely loving model for a relationship, just two people who act like they’re being forced to stay together. I’ve given them permission to divorce many times, they won’t do it. They are two examples of people who don’t choose their partner every day. There’s no empathy there, no intent to understand the other person. Just a simmer of frustration always beneath the surface. When I’m around them I can feel it. And I can feel how VEHEMENTLY I don’t want to end up in their position. It makes me sad. I’m currently lying down in the guest room just to gather my thoughts and try to talk myself out of being angry with them. It’s weird to see your parents, even so many decades older than you, not be able to identify their issues and just stay in this holding pattern that serves no one. I worry that I won’t be able to find a genuine, loving partner because this is my example of a lasting marriage.
Why do people pursue you for months, just to get cold feet when you finally give them a chance? A guy had been wanting to take me on a date, but I resisted in part because he has a kid and military background ( personal thing going on there). I had been talking to my therapist about being more open, and less dismissive, especially since I might not mind kids if I’m playing a step mother role. This took MONTHS to talk through, and in that time he’d randomly ask to take me out on numerous occasions. Well I finally said I’d be okay, and then was left on seen for a week. He got back to me but didn’t ask me out lol then later asked, “If he’d meet my mom during her visit.” Like no?? You haven’t even met me?? I just don’t understand the value in doing this.
A friend of mine admitted she had a crush on me a few weeks ago. We decided to go on a few dates to see how things would work out. Surprisingly well. However, yesterday (Christmas), she told me that she has HSV. We have not had sex and I’m a.bit conflicted on how to move forward.
So I (39M) should preface that I was very recently diagnosed with autism level 1. I am **extremely** bad at reading and sending romantic interest.
Few weeks ago I got the number of a woman I met at a book club and we’ve been playfully chatting a lot over texts. Due to a confluence of factors we have not been able to meet up for coffee yet (she got sick, then I got sick, then she flew back to her hometown for the holidays). Yesterday she showed up in my “people you might know” Instagram suggestions and it *turns out she might be married?!* I say “might” because she was definitely married as of at least last year, but based on contextual clues there’s a good chance she might have gotten divorced/separated this year. Absolutely nothing in any of our conversations in texts or IRL had indicated she was anything but single. It was never explicitly said though, so now I’m wondering if my fucked up brain misread the whole vibe of our texts.
Hope everyone had a lovely Christmas!?
We Now enter the limbo time where all the days blend together. Just got to get through NYE (worst holiday of the year) then we enter the very futuristic sounding date of 2026!
Don’t know about anyone else. But as soon as we left the 90s, the 2000s always felt fake. Like a date you would hear in a sci fi movie and think “oh. We’ll NEVER get there!”
It’s all fake!
Was supposed to go on a date with someone new but he cancelled due to prior engagements. Seemed eager to go on a date and mentioned that the holidays and work has been crazy and this week is busy. We are supposed to reschedule but haven’t heard from him in a few days and no plans set. Is this a sign of disinterest or just busy?
Where are the reformed degenerates, please?
Been dating someone for 7/8 months, everything is going well and very serious but starting to come out of the honeymoon period. I’m starting to notice life style differences (he’s messier, less organized, big procrastinator and much more spendy) but we are really aligned on bigger values like family and always have fun together. How should I best navigate this? Im really anxious about wanting to make this work and timelines for kids etc in the near future….
Went on a first date today, she looked so beautiful, and it was just all around great. We got breakfast at this French restaurant, went to a bar called Pins to go duck bowling, walked across this bridge and got ice cream. Really hoping for a 2nd date so we’ll see 🙂 I have no reason to think otherwise right now
The days are seriously starting to blend together. I didn’t even realize it was Friday I’m just in my tiny apartment, looking over my budget sheet, wishing I had something to do. My only agenda today is heading across town and picking up some new climbing shoes. Might read a book, might do an hour long yoga video, might brain rot on the couch to youtube vids. This must be what it’s like to be retired… I haven’t had a day off work in a minute. I feel like I’m unemployed again and it feels both amazing and lackluster. Wish I had someone to see though, and more things to do. Trips out of here are super expensive right now… so I will just stay home this winter break 😐
For context, I’m a trans man
Got my first Hinge match in ages. He responds to my message with “I only date men”
I wish my first reaction to transphobia was annoyance and anger instead of a deep shame and embarrassment. I feel humiliated for thinking of an engaging, funny opening line to send to someone I thought was hot only for them to send me something so cruel and unnecessary back
I feel so much shame for having wants and desires as someone who is seen as undesirable by a large population of men
i hate when i try to reach out to a friend because i feel lonely and the response is sorry i have plans with my partner. like it happens so often and the last thing i need when i feel lonely is a reminder that everyone has someone else who’s going to always be the highest priority
edit: i asked my friend if she could just do a phone call instead before meeting her partner and she called me and i feel a little better now
OK the limerence is HITTING since my office crush stopped texting me. So… what are we all currently trying to avoid by fixating on our love lives? I’ll go first: very scared about starting a Masters in two weeks, having a sad Xmas since my sister is abroad, and worried about money.
Anyone else?
Trying to embrace the whole building anticipation thing. I’m used to things going 100 mph and then realizing they were just chasing a feeling. This is different but it’s definitely forcing me to face that fact that I’ve rushed things before because I was chasing that feeling as well. Now I’m having to sit in the discomfort of the in between and just allow things to develop naturally. It’s kind of hard!
Debating the whole FWB thing because of… underwhelming equipment. Im sort of feeling guilty about that but not really. We were having a good time up until he dropped me off at my car and he got so weird and formal!
Also still seriously considering whether to ask summer crush for a phone call/conversation. have been mulling over it for several days trying to figure out what to say that will give me some information/closure but not embarrass me.
I guess I’m just so tired of feeling like there is a mutual vibe and then getting egg on my face EVERY TIME and my usual MO is to just fade out/detach from the person with no conversation or closure and the result seems to be that I just keep repeating the pattern. I feel like I need to know what’s in his head. Was there *anything* mutual or am I just the most delusional person on earth? Why did he agree when I asked him to go to a movie with me, but then after the movie just go home to take a nap like he had zero interest? Why did he text me on my birthday only to string me along for two weeks and make me feel like I had messed everything up, tell me he had just been busy and then also tell me he had been taking hours long walks by himself for no reason?
Like I want to know is it how I look physically, is it my personality or what? I guess I just never get any direct feedback from the guys who have rejected me and I’m sick of guessing and constantly beating myself up trying to figure out what is wrong with me. Maybe it is just that I have horrible taste in men, but that also doesn’t seem to be changing no matter how hard I try so I feel like the alternative is I have to figure out how to actually get these guys to like me.
I just don’t really know what to ask him that isn’t “hey I had a giant crush on you and let you string me along all summer, what gives?” which I don’t feel great about. Also it’s been like 5 months since all this went down so I feel embarrassed to admit that I’ve been dwelling on it since then too
As a sufferer of the dating apps, why do people who are on there not ask questions or even seem interested? Why do they match? Why are they on the apps?
And I’m not even talking about deep and meaningful stuff. It’s asking about their day and them not even asking how mine was back.
I don’t get it.
No sooner do I lean into casual dating then does one of those casual dates decide that they want to date-date. Fold in the holiday break and trips to places without cell service you find yourself in a pickle that only a shower beer can soothe.
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I don’t know why I’m having such a hard time being with the guy I’m with and NOT having an official label on it. We’ve been seeing each other since August and were friends before. He has hung out with me and my friends. He came over for Christmas with my family yesterday. I know he isn’t seeing anyone else and he is always so kind and thoughtful. But I’m always anxious that we’re just friends with benefits or something casual. It’s completely illogical and I know that switch in my brain that thinks that way would be turned off instantly if he asked my to be official even though at the end of the days it’s meaningless.
End of year reflections – Last year this time I was heartbroken and recovering from my long-term relationship ending. I shed so many tears in Winter 2024. I dated briefly this spring/summer and met some cool guys who just weren’t for me. I spent most of my time this year smashing my financial goals, renovating my new house, finding new hobbies, traveling and making new friends. I’ve also done quite a bit of work internally and externally so I’m so excited to start dating again in 2026. Ultimately, I just wanna love and fuck on the same person over and over while making a lot of money and memories together. LoL. My friends say its terrible out there rn but idk I just feel like it’s going to all work out man… overly optimistic or foolish idc. I just know I’m ready 💚
I’ve had too much thinking time over Xmas and I’m getting in my own head about a situationship that ended right before the holidays… For context I ended a four-year relationship last year after years of dealing with his jealousy, drinking, and at times verbal abuse. Getting to the point of ending the relationship and the aftermath is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, especially as it meant I also lost my relationship with his daughter who I loved. It’s now been over a year and although I’m ’over it’ in the sense that I’d never go back to him. I still am sometimes overcome by a sense of loss and sadness at how it all turned out. Once I am getting to know someone I’m dating properly, it feels important to me that they get a sense of my history. Especially as it may affect my feelings and responses in new relationships. In this recent situationship, I had mentioned bits of my past relationship but he never really asked questions or delved into it. So I’m worried it sounded like I was just bringing up my ex and our problems all the time. But how on earth do you approach this without sounding ‘bitter’ or like you’re not ‘over’ your ex?
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I just broke up with a 35f after 3 months because she doesnt know what she wants. I didn’t expect to be official, but I wanted to know that we were working towards that, whereas she wanted to go slow and figure out with time if she wants to be official or not.
It sucks. She was amazing. But I can’t subject myself to that anxiety rollercoaster
Holiday confession: Am I the only one who is really happy being single but is addicted to reading this thread? 🍿
After seeing all these posts about women being disappointed by the gifts their partners got them or the lack of effort that was shown over the holidays, I feel very grateful. My boyfriend of four months bought me a brand new iPhone plus other small gifts. I got him three gifts that he seemed to appreciate, albeit much less expensive. He’s the first person where I was so excited to watch him open up his gifts. It was a very wholesome moment of sharing and expressing our love for each other. Of course, the gifts are just a symbol. I spent Christmas with him and his family. I’m in love with this man and I feel so lucky and proud to be with him. We also had amazing, passionate sex that night where he choked me (turns me on) and demanded that I kept shouting I love him.
Well, got to deal with the “how are you still single?” BS over the holiday. But, in happy news made a black forest tarte for the holiday dessert.
i am laying in bed and cant sleep cause i am overthinking
i have been single most of my adult life and women never really show much romantic interest in me despite me looking quite decent and being a fun, but albeit a bit weird (though funny weird!) dude who can talk and listen about everything
i am now again single for nearly two years, and although i am trying i only get constant rejections which mirrors my experience before my last relationship
and i will not lie getting perma rejections, no attention from the gender you are atracted to and not feeling and being loved, despite having so much love to give, is killing my hope for myself
i am just tired and lonely and i literaly feel myself giving up on me being happy and finding love the more time passes and the more i experience the same shit over and over again
I have a date on Sunday but I think I’m going to postpone. First time I’ve had to do that but I think it’s for the best. The holidays have unexpectedly wrecked me emotionally (not dating related) and I don’t think I can be my genuine self yet.
Still waiting to hear back from hot doctor for almost a week now. She asked me out last week for after the holidays. Gonna send a check in text tomorrow and that’ll be that until she gets back.🤞She’s working the holidays so I bet she’s stressed.
Also fucked up my hip flexors squatting a PR two days ago. At least I’m not sick… yet…