I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about 1.5 years. We met while I was still in college, job searching, getting my first full-time job, and basically entering my adult life. For context, I’m American and he’s from Asia. He came to the U.S. for school, and I don’t think he necessarily envisions his life here long-term.
When we first met, things were very lighthearted. Before we were even exclusive, he mentioned that he might move back home at some point, so there was always an idea in the background that he wouldn’t stay in the U.S. forever. Fast forward to now, we’re still together, we both got new jobs, and we even started a business together.
We’ve briefly talked about marriage and kids, but always in a very joking, casual way. I’ve asked him if he sees me long-term (lol, I know that’s kind of a funny question), and he said yes. Our general timelines for milestones actually line up pretty well.
The main thing that keeps sitting in the back of my mind is location. I want to stay in the U.S. – it’s my home, my family is here, and I can’t really see myself building a life elsewhere. I think he eventually wants to move back to Asia, but we’ve never had a serious, sit-down conversation about it. He doesn't seem to like having these "serious" conversations, so I never really pushed for it. It's why we always had lighthearted conversations around these topics, but I feel like now that I feel like we are really serious, I need more clarity. (I'm not sure he knows what he wants either).
For some reason, it never really crossed my mind to talk about this head-on. Maybe because I’m scared of the answer, and maybe because he doesn’t fully know what he wants yet either. I don’t think I’m willing to move to Asia long-term, but I also don’t know if he’d be willing to stay here.
Everything feels good right now, which makes me feel like I don’t have to ask. But at the same time, I can’t shake the feeling that I probably should ask what our actual long-term goals are before more time passes, especially since we will hit 2 years soon.
Am I late to having this conversation? Or what should I do?
(Also, please be nice…thank you!!)
TL;DR: When should I bring up the "what are our future plans?"