I’m bisexual and I’ve known that for a while, but I don’t think I’ve really been honest with myself about what that actually means for my life. I’m currently dating a girl and she’s genuinely a good person, so this makes it even harder to admit. But when I think about marrying a woman someday, I don’t feel excited or comforted. I feel almost repulsed by the idea, and that sounds horrible to say out loud. It’s not about her at all. It’s about the fact that the life I’m imagining doesn’t feel like it belongs to me.
The more I sit with it, the more I realize that my feelings toward men feel completely different. They feel more natural and easier and honestly way less drama. I don’t feel like I’m performing or trying to be the version of myself I think I’m supposed to be. That realization kind of hit me out of nowhere and now I can’t stop thinking about it.
I feel really guilty even writing this while I’m in a relationship. I feel selfish and fake and like I’m lying just by not saying anything. At the same time, I’m scared of blowing everything up over feelings I’m still trying to understand. I don’t know if this is just confusion, internal pressure, or me finally being honest with myself for once.
Has anyone else been in this spot where everything looks fine on the outside but feels wrong on the inside? How do you know when you’re forcing something because it’s easier or expected? And how do you stop wasting someone else’s time when you don’t even fully understand who you are yet?
I’m not trying to get validation or attention. I just really want honest answers from people who’ve been through this and came out the other side
TL;DR : Im Bisexual (20M) and having regrets about dating a women (19F)