(reworded and reposted again to follow rules)
I’m a 25F dating my boyfriend (28M), we have been together for 3 years. His brothers (21M and 25M) frequently make sexist “I hate my girlfriend” type jokes, and it makes me deeply uncomfortable.
In the couple hours I saw them this week, the 21M brother said an enthusiastic, sarcastic “THANK GOD” when the girlfriends (three of us) said we were heading out for the night, even though we had been invited over. Another time, the 25M brother said “guess I gotta ask the boss” while rolling his eyes before confirming plans with his girlfriend, implying she’s controlling. None of the girlfriends laugh at these jokes, we usually just roll our eyes or ignore it. They’re genuinely kind people who seem to make their partners lives better, not worse
I brought this up to my boyfriend, and he said he had 'tried' to talk to his brothers in the past, but his attempt was asking why their girlfriends “let them get away with it,” which didn’t amount to anything. He suggested that I bring it up myself when we’re all together, but I feel it would be taken more seriously coming from him.
I’ve also noticed similar jokes being made at his mom’s expense, which makes me worry this dynamic is normalized in his family. What I’m struggling with most is that my boyfriend doesn’t seem nearly as bothered by this behavior as I am.
I want to feel respected and comfortable around his family, and I’m unsure how to move forward when this behavior keeps happening and my boyfriend doesn’t seem motivated to shut it down. It is weird to me because he has never been complicit in the way that he is around his brothers.
Should I be addressing this directly in the moment, pushing my boyfriend to take a stronger stance? How do I handle this in a way that’s productive?
TL;DR: Boyfriend’s brothers frequently make sexist “I hate my girlfriend” jokes. My boyfriend made a weak attempt to address it and doesn’t seem very bothered. I feel uncomfortable and want advice on how to handle this going forward.