Hey All!
I’m a bit nervous to post this out of fear of being criticized for my lack of experience or seeming dumb in the question I’m asking. I hope there are other people on here who lost their virginity “later” because I need some advice. Or maybe even partners of those who are or were late beginners like myself.
I’m F27 and a virgin by choice. I have had plenty of opportunities to have sex but turned them all down because I did not feel ready, did not want to do hookups, did not feel safe with the guy, etc.
I have had relationships but I admit I have always been scared of intimacy (not just sex) as I was afraid of getting close to someone then them leaving or hurting me. This went for both platonic and romantic relationships but especially with sex in romantic relationships. Luckily with therapy and just life experience and maturing I’m learning how to let go of that fear.
I was in a relationship for two years but didn’t sleep with that guy as I did not feel safe with him. That’s a different story for a different time. I’ve been with my current boyfriend, “Zayn” (M30), for six months but have known each other for six years. That’s a whole story on its own but I don’t think it’s relevant. He’s fully aware of my virginity, troubles with intimacy, and he has never once pressured me or shamed me for not sleeping with him. This was even true when we initially met six years ago.
Right now, Zayn and I are long distance (about a two hour plane ride so not too bad) but he is in the process of saving money to move back to where I live. I’m visiting him for two weeks for the holidays. I’m a teacher so I have two weeks off work. He is still working on some days but that’s fine.
Anyways, I am ready to sleep with him. My only “fear” is my performance. Zayn is 30 and most 27 year olds wouldn’t be a virgin and may have had a few partners. I would have no idea what I’m doing. He probably wouldnt expect to have to “teach” someone or go slow at our ages. But again, he is fully aware of me being a virgin and everything else. So maybe he doesn’t care. I have brought this up to Zayn and he tells me not to worry about that. When I brought up the concern about being compared to other partners he reassured me that won’t be the case. I can safely say Zayn adores me and is very protective of me and wants me to be safe and happy. I trust him but I guess I’m in my own head.
Of course, I’m in no rush. If for whatever reason Zayn doesn’t want to have sex (which I doubt is the case) I won’t be upset. He just wants to make sure I’m 100% ready and comfortable because I “waited so long.” Which I do appreciate.
Aside from being in my own head, I feel secure. I have a partner I trust and have two forms of contraception ready. I’m not too concerned about pain but I also know nerves and tension can cause pain or discomfort. So basically I’m asking from those who have been there how I can relax and not think so much as well as enjoy what is happening (even if it’s a bit awkward). I know I’ll be nervous and though many may not agree with this regarding their first time, this would be a big step for me due to what I mentioned before.
Though unlikely I kindly ask that nobody here tells me I should have had sex earlier or something is wrong with me. Having sex at a younger age was not a good idea for me. I’m happy to have waited until I was more mature and in a more stable relationship than I would have been in while I was in college or in a position where I was questioning the relationship or the other person’s motives. You’d probably be surprised how much crap I have gotten for not having sex when I was younger.
Thanks in advance!