My (F26) partner (M28) and I have been engaged since September, together for 8 years. I’ve never gone to his grandparents for Christmas eve dinner as I’m always with my own family, and he typically comes over to see my family with me for about an hour and a half, then makes the drive (usually 50 mins) to his grandparents alone. My parents only live 15 mins (with traffic) away from us so it’s not considered inconvenient. He goes to his grandparents to meet up with his parents, and I stay at mine, and it’s been working so far.
this year I decided to go with him to his grandparents, but I told him beforehand that I couldn’t stay until midnight because I know I’ll be tired and want to go home and rest, especially because I get up in the morning to open presents with my parents and we’ll have to drive over there. I also have multiple chronic illnesses that cause fatigue and pain. I told him 10:00pm would be a good time to leave, but we got here a little later than expected (around 9:20) so I agreed to push back the time until 11pm.
Now he is saying that we might as well stay until midnight and I think it is unfair because I already told him I am tired and we have to wake up early. He then says that “this has always been my family’s tradition, and you have to accept it if you’re going to be my wife”. And I am just taken aback because he knew that I would not want to stay that late and he said it so rudely.. He promised me that we could leave earlier especially since the drive is much further from us than everyone else here.
I just feel hurt and unheard right now, and I am questioning his intentions on setting boundaries (he is worried about upsetting his grandmother and mother) and just saying it’ll look bad.. When I truly don’t care.. I think we have to start worrying about ourselves first rather than the opinions of extended family.
Well now I am writing this from a different room in the house because my head hurts and they are yelling and playing games in the living room 😔 I just don’t know if I am overreacting or if I should talk to him more about this? I’m wondering if we should go back to spending Christmas eve the way we used to?