My girlfriend (19F) and I (19M) are both in college we have been dating for 2 years, I work Spark and DoorDash on the side, and I’m completely on my own paying for college, food, gas everything. Money is tight, but I still try really hard to show up for her.
I saved to buy her a $170 perfume she’s been talking about forever. It’s something she’s wanted for ages. I also got her two phone cases she really liked because her old one was dinged up and discolored.
She has really bad anxiety, and she’s mentioned those TikTok Shop herbal vapor diffuser things every time it comes on her fyp, so I grabbed one of those too as a little extra.
At first, she liked the perfume and phone cases. But when she opened the last gift (the diffuser), her mood completely changed. She got sad/upset and said it made her feel like I only bought the perfume to “fill the budget” we talked about. She said she feels unheard and that I took the easier route instead of getting her “other things.”
That really hurt, because I’ve been saving specifically for that perfume for a long time, not as filler. I genuinely thought I was being thoughtful, especially considering my financial situation. She keeps mentioning how she’s Jealous because the gifts she got me are “cooler” and “more thoughtful”
We have been going through it recently and she says I am depressing her and ruining yet another holiday, she barely ever likes my gifts I genuinely put thought into.
Now I’m stuck feeling confused and honestly kind of crushed. I don’t know if I messed up, if I misunderstood what she wanted, or if this is something deeper than the gifts themselves.
I’m not trying to be defensive I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do differently here.
Advice?
Update: I’ve talked to her more about it and she’s standing on that she is hurt that she thinks I just got one big thing (the perfume) as a way to cop out on buying multiple small things she wanted. I hoped one bigger item would actually maker her happier but.
I just made this post to make sure I’m right and we did get each other equally good and thoughtful gifts. She just has told me multiple times I’m a bad boyfriend and that I try to be nonchalant on purpose because I’m not externally emotional like her. It’s just how I act emotionally and how I always have and don’t see why it’s an issue, everyone is emotionally different.
34 comments
She’s being kind of an ungrateful jerk, your gifts sound great. What gifts did she get you that are so much better?
Ditch her
You haven’t messed anything up. You paid attention, saved money, and bought her things she said she wanted. Now she’s ungrateful.
You’re 19, just move on and build your empire without ungrateful dead weight holding you back.
One day, after you’re professionally established, start to date seriously. Look for the virtuous woman you deserve.
What did she get you? I would really like to compare against her “cooler” and “more thoughtful” gifts! Also, I’m surprised you spent so much money!! You are a teenager in college, for goodness sake!
Edit: I want to make clear I think your gifts were very thoughtful. And you spent a lot more money then I would have expected. And I’m not sure why she is being so ungrateful.
So what do you think about the gifts she got you? Is it a financial mismatch? Were her expectations unreasonable? Sounds like she’s depressed and expected your gifts (which, by the way, sounded like you did more than you should, given your financial circumstances) to be magic. Like Santa Claus level for a four year old magic. You are both young, but she sounds unrealistic. If it’s more than Christmas, I’d reevaluate your relationship.
You did an amazing job. I wish my husband would put any amount of personal consideration into my gifts. When I even get one. She’s spiraling for her own reasons, not because of anything you did.
NTA. You’re a financially independent college student who saved up to buy your girlfriend a gift she had clearly wanted for a long time, along with practical and thoughtful extras based on things she liked and mentioned herself. Her reaction isn’t really about the diffuser or the budget — it points to deeper emotional issues and unmet expectations — but comparing gifts, accusing you of taking the “easy route,” and saying you ruined another holiday is unfair and places emotional responsibility on you. You put in genuine effort within your means, and it’s not reasonable for her to dismiss that or make you feel like you can’t win. This is a communication and expectations problem, not a failure on your part.
She’s a brat. Good luck.
She sounds ungrateful.
You didn’t mess up. You listened, saved, and got exactly the things she’d said she wanted, that’s thoughtful, especially with your finances. One small step: calmly ask, “What kind of gifts make you feel loved?” If her answer is basically “more, cooler, better,” that’s pretty telling.
I woulda taken the perfume right back to the store
What did she get you?
So she prefers quantity over quality? I am 40F and I’m annoyed for you.
Editing to add, you posted two days ago she’s trying to control what friends you see.
Those are really thoughtful gifts that show you’ve been listening and noticing. I honestly don’t know what you could have done differently.
At some point you have to understand that she’s being ungrateful. You bought these things because you listened to her and you specifically saved up for the perfume because she talked about it so much. For her to be upset that she got 3 or 4 items instead of 8 or 9 is absolutely ridiculous.
To then take it a step further and say that you ruined Christmas for her? I’d take that shit back and dump her.
She is materialistic and doesn’t care about the thought you put into it. She just wanted more things. As a woman, I’m appalled at her behaviour.
You are 19. You don’t need to invest to hard into this. Just move on.
You’re too young for this shit. Move on.
Uh, it sounds like she got 4 presents from 19 yo who is on his own. Dump her ass. 55 yo mom and 20 yo daughter agreeing on this.
Goddamn you spent so much money on such an ungrateful brat! Show her your thinking process and what gifts did you get? Were they actually cooler and more thoughtful
It seems that everyone on Reddit is agreeing on something. That should tell you something
Like everyone else, my first reaction is that she’s an ungrateful pain in the ass. But, what about the herbal diffuser changed her mood? You said she was happy after the perfume and the phone cases. Did she view those as the stocking stuffers and was expecting a grand prize when she opened the diffuser? And, was then underwhelmed? Or, something deeper? You have to communicate with her. My guess is that she’s just high maintenance.
Yeah, you’re missing the big ass red flag. Start 2026 single hun. She’s not girlfriend material.
Ive had a few boyfriends in my life. Never once got anything as nice as an experience perfume that I’ve been wanting.
based on your post history this girl isn’t healthy enough to be dating anyone, she has serious issues she needs to work through before she’s healthy enough to date.
She is never going to like your gifts. She apparently has zero empathy for your financial situation, and “wants what she wants.” You can do better.
You have outgrown this relationship. She sounds exhausting. Give yourself your best Christmas present and ditch her.
Yeah I’d break up with her. Ungrateful and bratty. No one is obligated to buy anyone anything for Christmas so the fact you did and it was thoughtful & you saved a long time for should be more important to her than anything else. Shes an AH
Advice? Give her “cool and thoughtful” gifts back and ask your “filler” gifts back and break up. You’re too young for this shit
Oooofff. As a mom of boys around your age, this hurts my heart. $170 for perfume and she’s upset?? And you got her other stuff as well? Actually thoughtful things that you noticed or she mentioned. You did great bud. I’m sorry your GF is rude and weirdly superficial.
She doesn’t appreciate you. Period. There is nothing lacking in your gifts from what you’ve said.
Maybe she is too spoiled and self centered to realize what your financial limitations mean, or maybe she’s dismissing your efforts as a way to put you off balance. Or maybe there’s another explanation. In any case, she’s not on your side. Whether she’s selfish, manipulative, or working from a different set of gifting traditions, she’s not a good match for you.
Turn her loose and find yourself someone who appreciates your efforts.
She ruined your Christmas not the other way around.
Your presents were thoughtful and you did a good job. Sounds like her expectations are unrealistic and she’s living in a fantasy land. And to add to that she has no empathy for you because its all about me me me for her.
A girlfriend is suppose to enhance your life not bring you down. You deserve better.
I noticed you made another post about her getting upset about you asking for time to spend with one of your only friends. Please dump her. Her behavior is selfish, controlling and manipulative.
I really don’t understand why your gf is upset. You got her things that she wanted. And $170 perfume is a big deal. I’m 55(F), and I don’t spend that much on my own perfume. Your gifts were thoughtful and demonstrated that you listen when she mentions things she likes. She seems really ungrateful.
She is LOOKING for an excuse to be sad and blame you.
Those are gifts moat women would be happy with, especially on a budget, especially because you LISTENED to her instead of random useless stuff she doesn’t want.
I have been married for 34 years and my husband has never bought me $170 perfume. That is incredibly thoughtful of you to save up and buy something that expensive in college. If she doesn’t appreciate a gift like that, she will probably not appreciate anything. It may be time to break it off.