For context: My partner and I have been dating for 2.5 years, and this is my first relationship. I’m not sure if this is the normal trajectory of long term relationships, but lately I’ve been feeling unhappy and bored.
We’re at a stage where my grievances aren’t taken seriously. Nothing is ever said outright, but the implication is always that I’m overreacting. Before communication is suggested, I have communicated. I’ve shared that I’ve been unhappy and explained why, yet nothing has changed.
What hurts most is the lack of effort over time. The flowers that used to come regularly stopped, even after I explained how much the gesture matters to me. I made it clear that even $10 Trader Joe’s flowers would mean ALOT. Birthdays have also become minimal, almost an afterthought. For example, for my birthday he gave me a whiteboard in an Amazon box and an Uber Eats gift card. I was grateful to receive something, but the lack of thought in the delivery made me feel disregarded. The gestures that once made me feel seen have slowly disappeared, and I kept telling myself not to be needy.
This past year has also been the hardest of my life. I’m in medical school, constantly juggling stress and exhaustion, and my grandmother, someone incredibly important to me, passed away. People say you learn who your partner is when someone dies, based on how they show up, and it’s painfully true. He just didn’t prioritize me the way I expected him to- not that I wanted him to be my therapist or anything. The year I needed the most support is the year I received the least effort.
I don’t want to beg for care or explain why birthdays matter, why I need support during grief, or why consistent effort is important. I’m tired of hearing “I’m sorry” without seeing any changes. I just want to feel chosen, supported, and secure, especially during the hardest season of my life, and I genuinely don’t know where to go from here. I just feel delusional because It makes me feel like we’re living two different versions of this relationship which we probably totally are atm and I don’t think I want to do it anymore
TDLR: My boyfriend doesn’t put in as much effort anymore and I’m thinking about breaking up with him