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I personally have a very weird relationship with the holidays – as an introvert really all I wanna do is shack up with my person and get takeout and have a low-key Christmas. Huge gatherings just wear me out especially if I don’t know a lot of the people there.
Well this year I’m getting my Christmas wish – hanging out with the same guy I’ve been seeing for almost four months now. We have plans to watch a movie, get takeout, some activities, and honestly I could not be more excited.
This is the first person I’ve wanted to date since my divorce, so still taking things slow but ya’ll he’s so sweet 😭 and patient with me.
Hope everyone else also has some wonderful holiday plans!
Feeling over stimulated and intensely lonely lately. I’m ready for the holidays to be over.
Am I flirting with danger? Yes, yes I am. Send thoughts and prayers (or money for lobotomy/a new brain or/and heart).
I feel I’m in a messy place. Deep down I want a life partner, but I’m also just generally craving connection so I’m willing to accept less. Right or wrong that’s reality.
Ex: We broke up, rather he broke up with me 7 months ago. What would have been our anniversary is coming, and he wants to now talk about us, NOW. We did stay in contact and agreed to “date” non-exclusively, but he’s telling his friends we’re still together. However, his family (that wanted him to break up with me because I’m not from their culture) think we’re not together. I get upset because he really doesn’t talk or bond with me often. He only does so when he wants to vent or try to sleep with me. He just doesn’t even invest in what he says he wants.
Coffee Shop: I posted about the coffee shop guy I gave my number to and that was/is going well outside of some really dumb questions (him asking if I’m falling in love after 2 dates because he “doesn’t want to hurt me”). And having check ins after every date– we agreed to be CASUAL. With this in mind I’ve continued trying to date because I don’t want to get overly attached. Coffee Shop gives me the attention I want, we flirt, text throughout the day, he asks to see me sometimes, goodnight texts, but I know not to get caught up. He’s even mentioned he “doesn’t have time for more than one person.” Again, not getting caught up.
My frustration comes from having one guy want to claim me but not put in work (my ex) while another guy puts in work but doesn’t want to claim me (coffee shop) and BOTH guys seem to be afraid of the actual responsibly that comes with commitment. And maybe this is where I’m human- in spite of all of this, I still try to manage both to meet my needs for romance. Though I’m not sleeping with either right now( I think it’s for the best). Maybe I should cut both off, especially if my goal is finding “my person.”
Has anyone known within the first five minutes of a first date that it wasn’t going to work? Did you stay for the whole date?
I had a date like this recently and stayed, but I wondered if I was doing the right thing. Curious what other people’s experiences are.
Had a date yesterday. She showed up with a small Christmas bag for me with a few gifts, so that was a first. The plan was to play at the arcade games but we just hit it off in conversation and had a blast talking for a couple of hours and even kissed quite a bit at the bar and at her car.
She texted me while I was driving home saying “I had a lot of fun tonight”. And I said I’d call her this week. She ended with “looking forward to it 😌”.
I’m definitely going for it. Thinking of calling her tomorrow to lock something in before the Xmas chaos begins. Wish me luck.
No matter how miserable things are, remember, [you could go home to your date’s place and find they have the flag of freaking Rhodesia ](https://www.reddit.com/r/vexillology/comments/1pt5yih/my_tinder_date_had_these_flags_what_are_they/)on the wall.
I have a date tonight with a man I’ve been messaging for almost two months.
I’m rewatching The Office this holiday season and see how cruel Jim was to the women he dated who weren’t Pam. Karen totally did not deserve to be treated that way 🥺 Also did not understand Pam’s jealousy when Jim dated while she was still engaged to Roy. Just left a mess in their path to each other.
It’s really feeling like a Friday. Off from work for almost two weeks right when I leave my desk today. Having a hard time figuring out plans for this break… still undecided 🫠
Still hung up on guy who said he can’t see himself faling in love with me. I can’t understand when someone takes a complete 180 overnight. Also, how was he expecting to fall in love in like 3 weeks? Looking back in this light, I don’t understand the whole communication that happened between us.
Hinge users: Has anyone ever had an actual relationship develop from one person merely Liking the other’s photo, sans comment?
If you’re still in touch and on good term with your ex, do you ever talk about your past relationship?
We’ve met multiple times after the breakup but there were other people around. Sunday we met at a sport thing we do regularly, and got coffee together afterwards. It was a nice, friendly conversation, just like before we dated, and not awkward at all. But the whole time we both pretended that we weren’t just licking each other’s genitals a few weeks ago, or talking about spending the holidays together.
Curious if others have noticed this: went on a date with a man 10 years older (40s) who seems to over-emphasize his life being “fun,” busy, social, etc., almost like he’s compensating for the age gap. I’m at a stage where that lifestyle doesn’t impress me anymore (which is what prompted me to date older) and it’s starting to turn me off. Lots of talk on our date about his after-work drinks with clients/colleagues and an upcoming bachelor party in Vegas, while I’m talking about the run I’m training for this winter (he enjoys fitness too, but seemed to focus on other parts of his lifestyle).
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the occasional big night (definitely popping a few bottles with the girl friends on NYE), but that’s more of a quarterly event for me now. His lifestyle is starting to feel less aligned with where my life and social circle are heading (more sober-curious, low-key) and I’m wondering if this is insecurity around the age gap (which he commented on, unprompted) or just a genuine lifestyle mismatch. Anyone relate?
One of the guys im seeing made a r*pe joke last night: I ended the date saying I felt sick (which I did) but as soon as he left I felt better. *deep breath*
Don’t make r*pe jokes. I was already feeling like we were gonna be friends only, but now I’m questioning that too.
People who use tinder, have you ever had a meaningful relationship start with someone messaging simply “Hi” ?
Yesterday was fun. Both of these dropped in the same hour.
* Girl I went on 3 good dates with: “Hey, sorry I’ve been out of touch. I’ve been listening to my friend about her relationship issues and realized I don’t want a relationship right now. Don’t want to waste your time.”
* Talked with a girl for weeks and had multiple good phone calls with, had planned a weekend halfway meetup. She bailed at the 11th hour. Her text: “Hey, sorry about that. You knew things blew up with the guy I was seeing previously, and then he reached out again right before we were going to meet up and that’s why I cancelled. I’m not gonna say we’re exclusive and also imply that the door is still open on my end in case this one doesn’t work out. So, yeah, here’s my guilty text message for you to read.”
It feels like people are somehow more emotionally volatile than when I was dating in my twenties.
Hello,
Just curious whether you guys are getting Christmas gifts for the person you are seeing?
So we met five times, with last three times including sleepovers and sex and lots and lots and lots of cuddles.
So yes, I don’t know whether it’s just sex for him. I mentioned that last time I stayed at his place he texted me after asking whether it bothered me that we didn’t go for a walk or anything else. (It didn’t bother me, coz I love sex and cuddles, seems like a paradise to me haha). Someone here commented that his question was him checking my boundaries (if I remember correctly). So today when he was at my place I asked him why he asked me that question. He said that in his last relationship the girl complained that he was very lazy so he was worried about that. (Then he shortly spoke about that relationship). So yes, not sure what it means.
Then I also know from before we slept that he is getting tired very quickly. Like he would go to bed at 8 pm. He has BPD, I don’t know if it’s this or maybe meds he is taking for it.
I want to get him a gift though. He is going to travel and I found a book written by an author from there.
For the last 6 days we saw each other basically everyday. I found it so surprising that I can fall asleep with him, cuddle all night, and then even have a nap. I found it hard with my exes. And with the guy I slept once in October I didn’t sleep at all all night. I find it very nice I can relax next to him.
This has been such an unprecedented year in so many ways, at a personal level, so many people have reached out to me after 10 or 20 years. Not strictly romantic, but it’s hard to tell sometimes. The ex-husband of a former childhood friend reached out to me this week, apologizing for dropping off and wanting to catch up. The last time he reached out ten years ago was when he was going through a marriage difficulty, and I’ve had no contact with either of them since they divorced a decade ago. He had started a relationship by then and the cynic in me is thinking that he’s reaching out because that relationship is ending now, too.
As someone who wants a partner that is a good friend, I’ve learned to be a lot more discerning about the company I keep. I’ve said no to reconnecting with people so many times. Here’s hoping that 2026 brings some opportunities to say hell yeah.
I’m (33M), currently dating a woman (30F) who is great in so many ways. She’s exactly what I’ve been looking and hoping for. We’re 7 dates in and they’ve all been great – we never run out of things to say and we both seem to be gradually getting more and more comfortable around each other.
As said, the dates have been great and really fun. That said, I’m not particularly excited between dates or wishing I was with her. But I do like being with her when we are together – it’s easy, fun, relaxed, she’s great company.
It’s taken ages for me to find someone like her. And her, I’m not feeling much of a romantic pull, even though she ticks so many of my boxes, including personality and attractiveness.
How do you know how much time to give it? Or if this is enough to enter into a relationship with? Is this what relationships are for, to work those things out? Or should I avoid entering a relationship in this instance?
My last relationship and several dating experiences have been ultra fast (and then subsequently crashed) – that’s all I’ve got to measure against, and I don’t think those experiences are a useful yardstick.
This is retroactive, but I’m trying to see if I messed up or correctly read the room so I know better what to do in the future.
Two weeks ago midday Sunday I (33M) texted and asked someone (31F) out. She responded Monday late afternoon, saying that she was sick but if she feels better in a few days we can go out. I told her no worries, feel better and we’ll meet up when she’s recovered. We bantered the rest of that Monday until the convo naturally wrapped up.
Since the date was conditional on her feeling better, I figured the ball was in her court to let me know. But, she never reached out since.
I get this one’s almost certainly over (I figured the silence was a soft no), but I’m wondering what the standard etiquette here is? If you ask someone out, but they say they are sick, is it then on them to follow up if/when they feel better for a reschedule? Or should the non-sick person check on them later to see how they’re feeling? I have my own thoughts, but don’t want to bias others.
I started talking to a woman last week and hit it off wonderfully. We had so many common interests and flirted together well. We had a first date and I thought it went well too. We talked till near close at a bar and she texted me excited for the next date afterwards. She even texted me the next day on Sunday all day! I wake up Monday refreshed and text her, but she doesn’t text me. I go to work and think nothing of it. She texts me today with the text I have seen so many times this year where she thinks I’m great, but she gave it more thought and can’t see being in a relationship with me. When I asked for more details she cited that I haven’t been in a relationship before and that I’m still working on finding a career that I want. I understand we’re all at different points in life, but I’m 31 and it feels so petty to cite not being in a relationship as a dealbreaker. For context she is 28. Think I’m done with dating for the foreseeable future till I figure out my career situation anyway. To be fair I don’t know what I want out of my career and got a new job last October that I dislike. I haven’t figured out what I want to do as an end goal job and I figure she saw me as drifting or not as settled in as she wants which is fine. It’s just frustrating. Good luck out there everyone.
there’s so much advice in life that seems to completely misses the mark. what i’m learning is that sometimes that seemingly not so good advice can be more useful than first glance if we can apply the general principal to our situation.
i’ve spent the better half of this year trying to figure out what “take it slow” means and kept stumbling thru situations trying to meet a pace that i couldn’t recognize even if it smacked me in the face. after sitting with it for a bit, i think for me, taking it slow is establishing a substantive friendship with someone first and pursuing something from that space rather than *just* dating. being friends removes the physical element and general anxiety that clouds my judgement when approaching things from a dating first perspective.
hoping this approach works even if it will be way slower
Hot dog. Date number 3 with this gal went great.
There’s a rich fancy neighborhood in my town that goes all out on Christmas lights for the two weeks before Christmas. It’s like a city-recognized thing with vendors, food trucks thousands of people every night. I live like a 3 minute walk from this place and suggested we meet at my place then checkout the lights for date 3. We both like rollerblading and She upped the ante, suggesting we rollerblade through the neighborhood.
So much fun; joking and laughing the whole night, people kept commenting (positively) to us about rollerblading through the neighborhood (we felt like the cool kids on the block). Stopped for hot cocoa, sat on a grass island and had a pretty long talk about life in general and our views on religion; we had some pretty different views, but still had a really good and engaging conversation. Went back to my place, talked a little more and made out.
She’s gonna be out of town for the rest of the week, but we’re already working on date number 4.
I’m looking forward to when she gets back.
Detaching…. is really hard.
Giving yourself permission to simultaneously love someone and also not choose them over yourself and your own well-being is so tricky. It’s really hard to pull off, and half the time, I know I must be doing it incorrectly.
I hope one day I look back on these moments with a self-deprecating laugh and a shake of my head. But for now, they’re just *really* difficult.
Im talking to like 10 people with different levels of interest and one is really standing out. Our 2nd date is tomorrow and im doing my best to take it slow but we’re clicking so far.