I met someone new this week and he asked me on a date. He said he would pick me up and he drove 30+ minutes to see me. We hung out at my house and had some good convos. He tried to brush his hands against mine a couple times but I was too nervous to do anything about it so I just kept with the conversation. It was going really great until we get to the restaurant and really abruptly, he said in 2 days he’s leaving for 2 weeks to visit his family.

He pays for my drink and we sit down and have some more conversation. He starts opening up about two of his exes, his depression, and his family. I’m really not great at these types of conversations, so I tried to lighten things up by making jokes and deflecting. Eventually, I could tell he really wanted to talk about deeper things so I asked him questions and listened.

After he opened up, I shared some deeply personal things as well. I told him that I wouldn’t be telling him this stuff if he hadn’t opened up first. I told him that what I’d gone through was the reason I sometimes deflect with jokes and humor. I told him I didn’t want to trauma bond.

Again, somewhat out of no where, he said the stuff with his ex was fairly recent, and that he is currently seeing someone else on top of that too. He said they’re getting pretty serious and that he’s only on the date with me to be social and have fun. He said he didn’t want to lead me on.

I asked him to take me home. In the car he asked me if he upset me, and I said I was fine. He tried to make it up with me, but I assured him it was okay, and we didn’t have to pretend to be cordial with each other.

When we got to my place, I thanked him for the ride, and wished him well on his visit to his family. He asked if he could come inside, and I explained that I think we want different things, and I didn’t want to put him in a position to hurt me.


31 comments

  1. You invited a guy over for a first date and he kept making advances, but also said he wasn’t interested in anything serious? A drink and not even dinner? Sorry girl, you might’ve accidentally sent one-night stand signals.

  2. He should have been upfront with you BEFORE meeting you. He should have said he is in another pretty serious relationship. If it is serious though, then there is no reason to date other people. At least that is how I think of things. I am old school like that! Sorry this happened to you. I would just block him if I were you. Block to burn. Keep it moving. Hopefully the next person will be honest with you

  3. Where do these men find the time and the audacity?? Sounds like he wanted a couple hours of therapy/trauma dumping! It’s exhausting! Don’t give up there are a few good ones out there!

  4. Idk why he would want to mess around with someone else if things are getting serious with another person

  6. You dodged a bullet – most respectable men don’t go on dates with girls when they’re getting serious with another, especially just to trauma dump (edit: and hook up)

    He basically just used you. It could be that this other girl is also seeing other people so he wanted to feel validated

  7. What the hell is wrong with these men?

    I never let a man pick me up on the first date. I always meet them somewhere.

  11. I’m mystified by you inviting him to your home. That’s definitely made you vulnerable to him re-visiting you. As soon as he had said that he was going away for a time plus some of that other stuff I would have gotten up and left – unless it was interesting enough to make a podcast out of. He’s using women as a therapist and has zero interest in relationships is my assessment

  12. Ugh I hate this. I’ve been there, PO.

    Sounds like these men need to learn to go to therapy, or find healthy ways to cope, and start building genuine friendships with other guys they can rely on. You know, like us women have been doing forever.

  13. He’s a shit show. But in the future, take it as a warning sign when someone gets too personal and detailed about past problems way too soon. Something is wrong with people who trauma dump like that. They also tend to guilt you into opening up as well since they “already shared so much”. But it’s not like anyone asked for them to dump all that stuff. That was their decision and it’s usually to get you to reveal your weak spots or feel endebted to them. Run next time!

  15. First time ever meeting a guy and you tell him your address?? Not safe.

    You have him pick you up?? Not safe. 

    Oh no. You meet the guy at a designated public place. You drive separately. 

  18. wanting to come inside, is here I get the funny vibes

    the rest sounds pretty normal honestly, just a bit awkward

  19. So he didnt wanted to lead you on but tried touching you right away as you met and then asked again to be invited in! What the actual f&ck. And on first meet itself he tells all these deep things?!. He is a serial cheater and player and extreme narc and he is playing you extremely terribly by looping you in with “emotional” stuff from the first conversation itself. Ignore, dont think, block that mf, and think you dodged a bullet, unless you want to try it out yourself and come out “actually numb” miserably.

  20. He wasn’t the right person, and you were lucky to find out about it. He was trying to be social and then he started touching your hand and wanted to come inside your house? He was weird as hell I hope you will find a better person

  21. what an ass. not only did he use you for free counsel, but he also wanted you to comfort him and thought he was being ‘generous’ by coming clean about his intentions.

    others posting are correct – no more coming to your house on first dates. be safe.

  23. This has been majority of my dating experiences this year. I’m so numb and over it. Focusing strictly and SOLEY on myself/health & wellbeing in 2026. It is what it fucking is at this point

  24. 1.) never invite someone you just met to your home even to pick you up 2.) as soon as the trauma dumping starts call an uber and leave

    I’ve done this thrice. It is what it is and getting outta dodge is so much better for your soul

  25. * Never go to anybody’s house on a first date and maybe not on a second date.

    * If you feel an urge to tell someone you just met about your own trauma, end the date and start therapy because you are not ready for a lasting intimate dependable relationship

    * if someone you’re only just getting to know is dumping trauma on you, they are not ready for a lasting intimate dependable relationship

    https://reliefmh.com/blog/why-trauma-dumping-is-hurting-your-relationships-and-how-to-stop/

    PS I would be slow to share your deeply personal things regardless what they share with you. Let your familiarity build for a few weeks, because genuine trust takes a while to grow. The people with whom you can trust your deeply personal info will still be around if they are interested. People who are pushy to get you to spill, or get quiet and sullen if you don’t have some very unhealthy issues and it’s better to not get involved with them. Of course I’m talking about the very beginning when you’re only just getting to know somebody. Once you make a commitment to each other being willing to share deeply personal info is one secret to making the relationship last.

  26. Don’t let random people come to your home
    Meet at the restaurant so you can maintain control. Riding in the car is a complete no-no until you know who you are with and have shared that info with a friend or family member. Keep yourself safe

  27. Obviously his behaviour is disgusting and you were 100% right to walk away from that. But please, in the future never invite a stranger to your home like that again, ooft this could have ended very differently for you🤯

  28. That sounds emotionally whiplashing, he invited vulnerability and connection, then pulled the rug out by revealing he wasn’t available, which would leave anyone feeling numb. You handled it with a lot of self-respect by setting a boundary instead of overriding your own feelings.

  29. Girl, so many things wrong from the start:

    1) never let a man pick you up at home. He is a stranger. You do not want him knowing where you live.

    2) don’t let a strange man INSIDE YOUR HOUSE. Imagine if he didn’t “take the hint” you weren’t into the hand rubbing and now you’re alone with a stranger. 

    3) Don’t let someone trauma dump on you in the first meeting. This is still a stranger! Talking about deeper stuff is good but that progress has to be earned, you can’t jump to intimacy 

  30. I’m just going to put this here. In the future when you’re meeting new men, **do not have them come to your house** to pick you up or hang out at your house…none of that. Do you have a death wish?

    MEET THEM in a public location ffs!!!

  31. OMG what a time waster!! UUUuuuugh!!! How F-ing awful. I’m sorry he wasted your precious time with lies upon lies and trauma dumping. The utter selfishness is mind boggling. Astounding.

    You poor dear. I’m glad it wasn’t worse than it was but so awful.

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