I already stopped talking with this guy once before, and we connected again last night. Everything was amazing until he asked about my ride over. I told him it was fine, but the driver said, “With all due respect, you’re very beautiful,” so it ended on an odd note.
He looked mildly irritated and asked, “And what did you say?”
I told him I said, “Thanks, have a good night.”
He looked straight at me and said, “Oh, so you’re stupid.”
I was taken aback and asked, “So you wanted me to tell the guy to fuck off?”
And he said, “Yes, that’s exactly what he’s supposed to do – fuck off. He got you to your destination and should fuck off anyway. He’s your driver. You paid him, right? What are you thanking him for?”
Mmmm, so there was that…
Then later on, I got up to get napkins, and when I returned he said, “When you’re with me, you don’t need to do anything or get up. Tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you.”
Idk if it’s cultural, but disrespect is disrespect. I also don’t know if I’m being too sensitive. Idk. Stupid felt harsh.
11 comments
That sounds extremely disrespectful, rude, and mean, and none of that in a good way.
first date back and he’s already acting like that? Lol 😂
Seems like he thinks hes being nice but is coming off as a dick at least with the last part. First half is just red flag asf. You already stopped talking to him before id just be done with it
Oh wow almost the same exact thing happened with me (uber flirting with me, told the guy I was dating/meeting bc I thought it was funny because he sent me the uber, he seemed offended I was not rude to the man). We never worked out for other reasons but he was a super jealous person.
What a dumbass.
First off, he should never call you stupid. Second, you didn’t do anything even remotely stupid.
The guy gave you a compliment and you said thank you, that’s how polite society works. He didn’t say anything disgusting to you, he just gave you a compliment. Thank you is the proper reply for an array of reasons.
Women also cannot safely tell a guy to “fuck off”—that’s a good way to get the shit beaten out of you and your fuckwad of a BF is the one who’s either too stupid to know that or doesn’t give a shit if you get beaten or stalked or anything else.
You did the right thing. He behaved like a total loser and an asshole.
You’re not being too sensitive. There’s no “culture” where it’s okay to call your partner stupid or demand that they be rude to people who pay them a compliment.
And the whole “you don’t need to do anything” thing is creepy AF. You’re not his possession nor are you a small child or invalid—wtf is his problem? Afraid another human will look at you while you’re getting napkins?
I’d have told HIM to fuck off. And you should seriously consider that option.
This man is run by his emotions. It’s sad to me that you do not recognize his emotions within his statements.
Wow, great guy.
If someone treated another woman in your life like this, how would you feel?
Like, if a guy said this to my daughter I would be livid. This is classic sexist performative nonsense. Calling you stupid for politely dealing with an awkward compliment. Then trying to tell you that you don’t have to do something as if he’s offering you a service. But he isn’t actually offering.
It’s not actually about you or your needs. If he cared then he would say something empathetic about the awkward driver moment. Instead he needed to know your response as a litmus test against how he thinks you should have responded. Or if he were actually offering to wait on you hand and foot then he’d be like “I know you had a long day. I can get you whatever you need.” And heaven forbid he actually ask if you need anything.
He’s only interested in the relationship he has planned in his mind, not a partnership with you.
Idk. I mean ,if it bothered you that much you should set a firm boundary and say never call me that again. All men have something about them. They all have a bad quality, and if u ask for an opinion for a bad thing they do, you’ll get comments about leave him and stuff. But all men have bad stuff about them. At least one Itty bitty thing. If you can’t overlook it, I’d say break up, if you can forgive him and set a firm boundary then I’d say do it.
He is very controlling. Could be early sign of a domestic abuser.
No. Like me, (45M) Most men are happy to also get napkins, etc but to word it like that is a clue that he envisions a sort of hierarchy where you aren’t equal and you don’t have permission to do (X) until he says so or he’s there or he does it himself. It doesn’t seem nice or gentlemanly. It seems controlling, a sign or larger trust issues.
If you’re ok with this just don’t do or say anything. But you’re free to ask follow up questions and question that answer too. Simply put, you could say you’re capable to handling a trip to the counter for napkins. In fact, I’d rather not have everything I do go through you first so do you need anything while I’m up?
I was afraid that you were going to have done something stupid. You did not.
You acted with good manners, you were polite & civil. & the world would be a better place if more people followed suit.
Please, move on & find yourself a good person that deserves you, because that guy you described, he’s a foul creature.