tdlr; me and my boyfriend keep fighting even though we’ve only dated for 5 months. Recently I told him about my doubts in the relationships future and he told me I’m either fighting for it with him all the way or I don’t want to fight and I’m leaving. I only have a few days to decide.
Our relationship has had a lot of highs and lows. I never thought I’d feel as comfortable with someone as I do with him. He’s had all my firsts and he’s given me a lot of happiness.
But we fight so much! We’ve been dating for about 5 months now and I feel like we’ve been having fights since the start. It’s gotten better recently, but the most recent fight really hurt. Basically, I was having whats akin to a depressive episode (I don’t have a diagnosis or anything). The first he’s ever seen with me, since this always happens around winter time for me. It had been going on for about a week and he kept asking me why I was being so dry and if I was mad at him (over text, he has school and work and is busy and im on break). I kept reassuring him that he didn’t do anything and I was fine, which in hindsight was bad communication from me during the episode to not tell him, but I’ve never told anyone about those episodes before. It’s not pretty. I can’t will myself out of bed, I don’t shower, I don’t eat, I have terrible sleep patterns, my room becomes a mess. I feel like he’ll think I’m gross. It’s embarrassing and I’m scared to let people in about that, even him. When I told him i was feeling sad (not the details) he kinda blew up at me asking about if he made me happy why was I so unhappy, why am i giving dry ass replies, why am i transferring that unhappiness onto him, etc. He even accused me of cheating on him, since if I wasn’t giving the energy to him I must of been giving it to someone else.
This really hurt me and made me cry because I was scared of telling him about it and then he got mad at me. I understood why he felt bad and got upset, I wasn’t doing a good job at communicating and I guess I wasn’t being very enthusiastic when talking with him which triggered his insecurity. I didn’t mean to be dry to him…
Later he thought it over and apologized for the things he said and that he had just crashed out a bit after those few days because of the dryness and home problems, and that he’d understand if I wanted to break up with him, saying that he wasn’t good for me. I told him that I loved him, which I do. But he’d promised me we wouldn’t have a fight like this again, and it still happened. I started sharing with him my doubts about our relationship, like how I felt I couldn’t share my bad feelings, that in the future we’ll most likely go long distance and it’ll be hard (college), all the fights made me feel very anxious about the stability of the relationship, even the accusation of cheating showed his lack of trust in me…all these things. I just started to confess after he talked about ending things. It seems me telling him all this made him upset again because he told me that my mentality was bad and it was never going to work if I was thinking like that. He said he didn’t want to be with someone who had doubts and we agreed to have some space from each other for a few days while I thought over my doubts. I’ve had doubts before that I shared but I never went into detail.
But the thing is, I have no idea what to do still. We’ve been fighting less and at a lower intensity, but this fight brought it all back for me. It’s hard for me to feel secure in our relationship when things keep going bad and the future feels uncertain. It’s like, I want to stay with him now because I love him but I can’t shake my doubts about these fights not going away, and It’s not fair to him that he feels certain it could work and I don’t. I wish I was as hopeful as him. Imagining ending things is really painful, I don’t want to hurt him and it hurts me too, but I feel so hopeless about it turning out. What should I do? I feel stuck.