Repost cuz Other post got locked or deleted TL:DR Husband ignores me but still loves me. Porn addiction could be the reason I call it quits
I’ve been with my husband for 16 years, married for 11. We married young. We have two beautiful boys who I love with everything I have.
About 2 years ago, my husband was on a work trip – I had tried to sext him or video sex few times as he was gone for 7 months. And previous 3 months prior before This trip. He ignored or didn’t want to partake.
I got to the point of asking for marriage counseling cuz I was ready to call it.
For background information – he’s never had a high sex drive. I usually end up trying To initiate only to be rejected. We could go a year with probably only have sex a few times. He’s distant. We’ve done marriage retreats discussing how I feel. He has never had complaints about me. But I had literally tried everything to get him to want me. Walked around in sexy lingerie – said it wasn’t his thing. Went to bed but naked for him To get a boner and turn around. Made him sex coupons that he could use whenever. Offered To watch porn with him. Asked Him For his fantasies So we could act out. You name it, I probably tried it. Many nights up crying feeling like I wasn’t enough. Thinking he was cheating. Changing everything I was to try to fit what he wanted to still have the same result.
So at 10 years married, feeling pretty bad about myself – him refusing to do anything sexual for 10 months – I had it. I told him if something didn’t change, I was done.
Not to mention the lack of Effort he put into our relationship. I never really expected anything from him but I am the kind of person who likes to Go above and beyond. So I would always go big for his celebrations. Never wanted me there for work events and we move a lot and this was consistent. Saying he likes to keep work and home life separate.
Anyways, towards the end of our Couples sessions, he admitted to being an alcoholic and having a porn addiction.
He jerked off multiple times a week – while I begged For his attention. Said he was too lazy and it was easier to jack off For a few seconds than have sex with me.
He came back and we made a deal that I would leave if he didn’t put in more Effort. He needed to plan a date within 2 months of being back. He did. And he’s been back 2 years and nothing since.
I’m hesitant to leave because of Our two Boys and I’ve been dependent on him almost our entire relationship.
There’s so much more but this is biggest thing affecting me.
Yesterday I came to the realization, I will never trust him again. It doesn’t matter what he tells me, he lied to me for so long, and so well – even if he does change, I won’t believe him.
I believed I wasn’t good enough, was open about it, and he led me to believe he didn’t know why or he would be better.
If you made it through all this, thank you.
I am currently in therapy but still so lost.
Also: I would like to add I’m not bad looking. I would say average but have been told differently. I was alt when he met me – turned More preppy I guess you could say throughout our marriage and turned alt again as I hated who I was and felt like I was wearing someone else’s skin.
Embraced me. But now I’m here
Thoughts? What should I do?