I (late 30s M) was in a short relationship (about 3 months) that recently ended. She is in her early 50s, so there was about a 12-year age gap. I’m looking for outside perspective on whether I ignored red flags too long and how I could’ve handled things better.
I was in a 3-month relationship that recently ended. I’m Indian, she’s white. Early on, things felt good — long FaceTime calls, regular visits (I drove ~2 hours one way), and consistent communication.
Over time, she made comments that started bothering me: saying my Indian food looked like “poop,” criticizing my language when I showed her a Hindi show (calling it choppy and comparing it negatively to Spanish), and later making judgmental remarks about my body odor, kissing, and generally being snarky.
On Thanksgiving, I invited her over and planned to cook dinner together (something we’d enjoyed before). She got upset that the food wasn’t ready when she arrived. There was also an earlier moment where I jokingly teased her about carrying her heavy bag, which she took as me not wanting to help.
She later said she didn’t need me because she was self-sufficient. I started feeling disrespected and pulled back emotionally. She then complained that I was distant and not initiating enough.
During a final argument, she called me a hypocrite. I lost my temper, called her racist, and left. We broke up afterward. I later apologized for losing my temper and plan to work on emotional regulation.
From a guy’s perspective:
Would you have walked away earlier?
How do you balance addressing disrespect without escalating conflict?
Any lessons you’d take from this?
Appreciate the input
TL;DR:
3-month relationship ended after repeated comments that felt disrespectful toward my culture and me personally (food, language, body, etc.). I ignored it for too long, pulled away emotionally, and during a final argument lost my temper and called her racist. I apologized afterward and am reflecting on boundaries, red flags, and how I could’ve handled things better.