Working for my 28M partner’s company is hurting our relationship and 26F my ambitions
I (26F) am looking for some outside perspective because I feel too emotionally involved to see this clearly. My partner (28M) started a tech company a while ago, and it’s been doing pretty well.
In the early days, we sort of started it together, but officially the company is his. He put in the initial capital, brought the clients, and used his connections, so I don’t have any equity or ownership. I work there full-time as a senior/operational lead, managing teams and day-to-day operations, while he handles clients, sales, and finances. From a performance and pay perspective, things are objectively going well.
The issue is the dynamic.
Over time, it’s turned into a very strict boss–employee relationship. He often tells me I need to be “doing more,” and more importantly, he does not want me working on any personal ambitions or side projects. His view is that since he pays me for eight hours a day, my focus should be entirely on his company and nothing else.
I see it differently. I thought part of working with your partner especially in a startup environment was having flexibility and room to grow individually as well. My intention isn’t to neglect my job. I want to build something of my own alongside this role, both for personal fulfillment and long-term security.
When I told him I want to start a business or side hustle, he reacted very negatively and made it clear he doesn’t support that at all. He wants my professional energy fully directed toward his company.
What complicates things is that he was the one who strongly encouraged me to join his company in the first place, and I genuinely fit the role based on my skills and experience. But emotionally, I’m struggling. I feel like I’ve compromised a lot, and I’m realizing I’m not happy being an employee not just for him, but for anyone.
This dynamic is starting to affect both my mental health and our relationship. It works for him, but it doesn’t work for me. And it seems like if I give the professional part up I’ll also be giving up the personal part?
2 comments
You should stop working for him. It’s not a great career move, it’s not working for you, and it’s causing issues with the relationship.
**If he is a decent partner, he will understand and support you. If he instead gets angry and pressures you to stay with his company, he is not a good partner and you should move on from the relationship as well.** Please don’t let him manipulate you into serving his interests instead of yours. Please keep your eyes open if he’s acting selfishly. It’s not your obligation to sacrifice for him.
It may be time to pick the relationship you want with your boyfriend- personal or professional- and let the other one go. You need to think of this job as, “working for a start up”, not, “working in a startup with your partner”. You work for him, not with him, and the boss can’t give special treatment to his romantic partner. That’s a disaster at a small company.
Is it common in your industry for senior management to have the freedom to pursue outside businesses? When I worked in tech, everyone, including the engineer level, had to have permission from the company to have any outside employment. I am not in tech now, but in the industry I am in, senior management has to have board approval for any outside paid activity. It’s in their contracts. If it’s not the norm in your industry, don’t expect your boyfriend to let his employees do it.