I always feel like I'm the one who is being proactive and showing more interest in dating and relationships. Whether it's a couple dates, a 3 month fling, or a 6 year LTR, I always feel like I'm chasing and am the one who wants things to move to the next rung on the ladder. I'm usually initiating communication or scheduling. I'm the one who is more affectionate and generally excited about things.
This pattern holds in the early stages of dating as well, which is where I've been stuck for the past few years. I know men are expected to plan the first few dates and I'm ok with that, but this pattern goes way beyond that. Whenever I feel attracted to and interested in a woman, she seems ambivalent and declines to take things beyond a couple dates.
I've talked about this with some people IRL, and some have said that maybe I'm coming on too strong early on. I'm not doing anything extreme: I'm not "love bombing", doing grand gestures, talking about them like they're already my girlfriend, or blowing up their phone with too many texts. But when I have chemistry with and attraction to a woman on a first date, I get very excited. I only meet 1-2 women a year I feel interested in, so when it does happen it feels like striking gold. I also (usually) try to break the touch barrier and initiate a kiss on the second date. Meanwhile the women respond slowly to texts and, even though they seem to enjoy the dates, they aren't interested in more.
I have also observed that my male friends who have more success with dating seem to play things cooler, and not be as intensely interested in those early first 3-5 dates. It makes me wonder if expressing too much interest early on can be read as desperation or a lack of confidence.
On the other hand, I read so many women here on Reddit who complain about men sending mixed signals, not seeming excited or invested, and not taking initiative. I don't want to be one of those guys either.
How do you strike that balance? I don't want to hide my feelings, but I also don't want to scare women off.