I got a really great position offered to me because of my resume for the government. I have a great relationship with my 1st and 2nd job references and don’t mind asking them for their preferred method of contact. My 3rd job reference is by far my most impressive but I have a lot of history with their church. I was a very dedicated and involved member for a year but got super sick on my birthday and couldn’t attend the church as much after that. Everybody murmured their opinions but it wasn’t out of that much malice it was because I held a pretty big role in a lot of events since I was the youngest and most driven which led me to be overworked. I addressed this much later when I was stalked by a former member and felt too nervous to attend the church at all anymore but was met with a lot of “Oh you’re overreacting, we can’t black list somebody because of something like that.” After I heard this, I just ghosted everybody. I have a bad trait where I just leave if I’m uncomfortable instead of talking it out. I’ve gotten a lot better as this was 2 years ago but do I just come back out of the blue and shoot their secretary a message? She isn’t that big of a gossip but I still feel slightly guilty and anxious about how I ended things. I even helped her move half her things after her divorce AND painted a room in her house. On the other hand, I doubt she’ll give a bad reference if I just add her number to the form… Right…? Help please!