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21 comments
Well I did it, I fucked up a really good relationship because of my bullshit. Went from constant messaging telling me he loved me, missed me, telling me im beautiful to like kisses on the cheek and hardly any affection.
This is because I acted out one too many times. Just like drunken bitch fits that he doesn’t deserve and honestly I understand, I wouldn’t want to deal with me either. I feel absolutely horrible, and obviously this has shown me how much personal work I still have to do
At this point I feel like we’re limping along to get through the holidays. We have plans to meet each others families, and I think we both don’t want to break up before that.
Lesson learned, my behavior has consequences, just feel horrible that I fumbled a loving relationship
Mornin’ y’all! The only thing standing between you and the relationship of your dreams is childhood trauma, attachment issues, anxiety, crippling insecurity, toxic coping mechanisms, mommy/daddy issues, depression, fear of intimacy and the constant feelings of guilt and shame that makes you feel unworthy of love……but once you tackle those, your person, assuming they’ve worked through their issues, too, will be ready for you.
Don’t do events and adventures!! It’s a scam and I was bamboozled. Lucky was able to get out in the 3-day window before being stuck in a 2-year $200/month contract. The events suck and cost even more than the $200 you’re already paying per month!!
People really will be on dating apps for absolutely no reason. The number of times I’ve matched with someone, had a good conversation and brought up a low-stakes meeting only to be met with silence and disappearance is astonishing.
If you just want to talk to people you’ll never meet, just go on Reddit. Why are you only a dating app just to chat? It’s frustrating
I’ve been struggling a lot with the some social patterns I’ve seen here in the sub, in the real world, and in social media.
We treat one another as if the other person is sort of… disposable. We paint with absurdly large brushes because we seek patterns and we try to defend ourselves from pain. We get the “ick” over really silly things that someone doesn’t deserve to be discarded for. I see it from all races and genders and age groups, too. I even see therapist influencers doing the same thing and providing this advice.
We expect there to be a puzzle piece in the world who is going to fit with us, directly. That somewhere in our geographic region that there’s a human who is going to meet our needs, a lot of the times without ever discussing what those needs are. We expect them to be fully healed and fully present, like we’re not living in a capitalist hellscape that simply attempts to suck the soul and the life from us like some twisted robber baron dementor. Part of building that intimacy with a partner is finding old wounds you weren’t aware of, working on yourself, growing with your partner and in the relationship, and finding that person who **wants to work with us mutually**. **Again, I repeat, this is not to be done as a twisted form of martyrdom**. It takes two to love well.
Please don’t take this as **everyone** deserves a chance or you shouldn’t defend your boundaries or stand by your non-negotiables. If you ever feel **unsafe**, you fucking bounce. You should never lose yourself in loving someone else.
I’m just trying to lead my life with a little more kindness and an open heart. With empathy for those who have hurt me, with enough love for myself to know they’ll remain a memory. With enough openness to know that a red flag or some sort of ick shouldn’t shove me away from someone who is willing to do the work and grow with me. With enough confidence in my own soul and intuition to have those hard conversations with the people I care for, to provide them space, while not shrinking myself and my needs. To walk away if I’ve done what I can without ever dragging myself through broken glass.
To continue to attempt to spread positivity and kindness towards other wherever possible. I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday season and find what you’re searching for in the new year.
Had a fun date last night, good to move on from a weird and intense situationship
I’m in the early stages of going out with this guy, he’s pretty much the first guy since my daughter’s dad. He’s a lot lower communication than I am. I would happily txt throughout the day and do the occasional phone call. He’s more like let’s confirm the date next week do the planning then see each other then. It feels really nice in person, there’s chemistry, desire, banter, it’s easy… but when we’re not together it’s lackluster af. How long would you sit in the “low communication” time before you know if this works for you long term?
Are things really bad all around because of the economy and AI bubble or is the algorithm just convincing people it is bad? YouTube channels I’ve watched for years that never talk about negative things, economics, or social issues are now starting to talk about more negative things now. I can’t tell if it’s really that bad or just algorithms getting to people.
Im struggling with seeing this woman im dating very far in between (around 10 days each date).
we’ve been 3 months together already, and we agreed on going slow in terms of formalities and get to know each other very well. We’ve been doing sleepovers since the 2nd month, but I’m worried that in the future this is just how often we will end up seeing each other.
I know that this requires a conversation and its due to our personal schedule, but I was just wondering if any of you had this situation before, and you end up arranging a periodicity that worked well for both.
Personally, Im fine with seeing once a week, and two days if we have time.
I could use some profile reviews, especially by people in the 28 to 35 range, but I’m happy to hear other perspectives too. I’m planning to reactivate Hinge soonish.
If anyone here is happy to do it, send me a DM or respond here!
I think the toenail threads have finally convinced me just not to return to this subreddit and move onto substack wholly for my dating content needs. Y’all are miles above any other relationships sub, but it’s still ultimately an environment with too many sad people having bad experiences to be helpful for me as one of those sad people in improving.
I’ve made my Instagram private so he can’t keep checking up on me. Feeling calmer as a result.
Downloaded a couple of apps but have no intention of meeting anyone until at least the new year (and I’m leaving the city for a week to go home to Christmas). Would be nice to have someone to message with a little in the meantime though, but not counting on anything. So far the apps have only shown me a lot of people I’d never be interested in. Part of the problem seens to be because it’s a major city, so many of them the people popping up don’t even live here but are exploring their options anyway. Lots of travel modes etc.
I’m chatting with someone online and they said they’re interested in getting lunch but are busying over the holidays. Of course that sounds perfectly legitimate, but I’ve also been given the “I’m busy for the next while” message only for me to never hear back from them again. What’s a good thing to say for me to acknowledge they’re busy, but still let them know I’ll probably follow up afterwards?
I just landed and realised the four plus hours of my flight were probably the longest time in which both of us were awake without constant texting since our first date.
He had a major life win today. I’m so so happy for him. I told him I get the feeling he doesn’t celebrate his own accomplishments properly, which he confirmed by saying he just tells himself ‘cool’ and moves forward. I made a massive deal out of it over text (as much as you can over text) and I think he was touched. He said he’s very happy I got to meet the current version of him, as he’s the happiest and healthiest he’s ever been. I wish I was there in person, but I can be all gushy later when we find time to video chat.
I folded and finally texted the inconsistent summer crush to ask wtf his actual new year’s plans are because I realized that being in limbo and trying to not reach out was just giving me more anxiety.
It’s been two days and he hasn’t replied. I’m so tired of this. I also know that if it gets to a certain point of late response I’ll get something along the lines of “sorry sorry I was so busy with xyz work stuff” but all that does is make me sad because I know work wouldn’t stop him if he was into me. I’ve been debating just cutting him off for my own good but it’s so hard, there are too many reasons I don’t want to lose him as a friend.
Meanwhile continue the Hinge slog but the occasional bites have been matches with no message (like I understand sending a like with no message, but matching with no message sucks) or the one guy who hasn’t asked me a question back.
It all just sucks. I want to enjoy my holiday break but I am soooo sad. Caught up with some old friends and everyone seems to be having babies now. Meanwhile me not even having a one relationship. I feel so ugly and small.
Edit: and the perpetually single woman I was parasocially following who got into a relationship has now switched to exclusively posting subtle references to how much sex she’s having and I keep reflexively opening her page and then getting triggered a;kdjfkajs;kdj;flkj
What’s the best steps to be intentional in NOT trying to date right now? I need to focus on myself and processing the last few years post-divorce and post-situationship. Currently fighting loneliness, but I’m trying to lean on my friendships.
But there’s part of me that’s always been a hopeless romantic and is longing for something lasting and real 🙁 It’s tempting to believe that adage “if you stop looking for it, you’ll find it.”
Does anyone meet people in real life anymore and not online? I’ve been out of my relationship for the last 6 months and really dread going on the apps.
Today, I’m officially 32 years old and not just rounding off my age to 32 hehe
I am trying to stay off the apps for the rest of my life but I do feel fomo on my friends dating life. I don’t want to deal with the disappointment but I do want the external validation. Any ways to do this without selling my soul to Hinge/Match Companies?
I might need to get off the apps again. I only re-started this month, but blah.
The only new one today had a terribly conceited profile and then 12 pictures of her face (granted, she is very cute).
Her profile gave off very heavy I-just-got-dumped-by-someone-I-consider-below-me vibes (oh, and she listed her profession as “CEO”):
“Im not the kind of woman you forget or figure out in five minutes. I’m sweet tea with a twist of bourbon, southern charm wrapped in unapologetic truth. I don’t play games, I build empires.”
Naturally, I had to message her.
Neighbor lady is very busy today, so I guess I won’t see her until next year. She texted what she has going on, and it absolutely is a packed day. This is why my kids are not enrolled in hockey 45 minutes away.
I was supposed to have a first date tomorrow with another woman I’ve been chatting with, but her son had a fever last night and has been throwing up, so I would say that is out the window even if she hasn’t cancelled yet.
And then there were none.
Women, what’s the average amount of time it’s taking to get a response back from an opening message you send? My number one issue this past year of dating has been men either not responding to my message after matching OR they respond to acknowledge it, but then end up not asking any questions about me or completely ghosting the convo when I try to get to know them.
It’s starting to get to me since I’m sending out engaging messages (no “hi what’s up” but no long essays either) so I really don’t think it’s that. Is it just men swiping right blindly and then filtering through their inbox? I’m not swiping on jacked models and the men I have gone out with usually mention they struggle in general with matches, so I don’t think trying to bat in another league is the problem. It drives me nuts to let these failed convos sit in my app so I’m trying to figure out how long to reasonably wait or if they’re not going to take off after 2-3 days of waiting.
For comparison, my matches who end up actually interested will respond in 6-12 hours or less. But this number has dwindled significantly this past year so it’s not much to work with.