Hey there guys,
So, I (23F) have recently come to the decision that I'd like to ask someone out. Thing is, it's a bit complicated. This person (23M) is a childhood friend of mine, my first friend ever really. We were extremely close from infancy to around 14 years old (I considered him my best friend), and around that age, due to various reasons not very relevant, we started drifting apart. In the past 8 years I think I can count on my two hands the number of times we've seen each other or had a conversation.
To be clear, we are still very friendly with each other, and occasionally check in, simply never again had the level of contact we did as kids. In some ways, we're still the same people, and I see in him the boy I knew/know, but he's also a bit of a stranger, since I don't really know him well as an adult. I imagine it's similar for him, and I know I'm a very different person than I was then, even if the core is the same. We did kind of grow up together, but I don't feel we had a "sibling" dynamic, really more of a best friends one, at least in my view.
Now, less context and more to current events. He's someone I've loved very much my whole life (not necessarily in a romantic way), he's an amazing guy and I do think about him regularly, despite our distance. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'm not sure what shifted in my mind, but I began to think about him in a romantic sense, having thoughts and even some dreams about that kind of thing. A few months ago I started treating my pretty gigantic depression of some years, and it really turned my life around. Made me feel like a real person again, and less afraid of making stuff happen.
He's studying abroad right now, but comes home every once in a while, and he'll be here soon for a month or so. We haven't seen each other since about a year ago, and we recently spoke about meeting up while he's here. So it popped into my head that I should just ask him out and see what happens. The whole idea has me split between "hell yeah, what have I got to lose anyway, I'd rather try it than regret and wonder for the rest of my life" and "this is actually insane, you can't be serious. it could be super awkward and you'll end up ruining a friendship that could have been restored to its original form".
So, I guess I really want to try it, and am very leaning towards it, but a part of me is terrified of him finding it extremely weird/awkward due to our history and straight up rejecting me, maybe forever changing and making uncomfortable what we have left of our friendship. I guess I'd just like to hear your thoughts on it and, I dunno, give me some encouragement if you have any xD also, sorry for the extreeeemely long context, thank you to whoever read through all this 🙂
P.S. – just in case anyone mentions it, I am aware that if anything were to succeed, it would be a semi long-distance relationship for a while. That does not bother me and wouldn't change anything on my part. I have been in a long-distance relationship before and that was never really the problem.