I (41M) am unmarried, no kids. I identify as queer and moved away from the state where I grew up (very red state in the US) when I was in my early 20's, and have generally lived 7-9 hours' drive away from my hometown throughout my adult life. It's not safe for me to go back there to live because of regressive laws, but I do visit, and I enjoy visiting my dad and brother. I don't have any other family in the picture. We don't have extended family in that area. My dad has remarried, but I have no relationship with my stepmom.
My dad is getting older (early 70's) and is in great health now, but he's aware that that time might be limited as his body declines with age. My brother (mid 40's) lives on government assistance with some support from our dad.
I have been racked for years (decades?) about what responsibilities they, or anyone, would imagine I have in this situation. If my dad asked, I would move closer to take care of him (both of them?), but I wouldn't have queer community nearby (or, potentially, a job). It would be worth it to me, though, to have a closer relationship with them and get to spend that time with them. (We have always had the sort of relationship where we see each other a couple times a year and talk on the phone every quarter or so. I have always wanted to be closer, but it's hard to read whether they want that, too.)
But the real problem is that neither one of them will have a conversation of any kind about it. I asked my dad directly, once, what support my brother might need when my dad is no longer able to provide it, and he waved his arm, said not to worry, and changed the subject. I asked my dad more recently whether he would want me to move closer, and he shrugged and said it probably made sense to move wherever I could get a job. Both my dad and my brother abhor any remotely emotionally challenging conversation.
I'd love to figure out where home is for me and plan the next chapter of my life around that, but I feel stuck not knowing (and feeling like it's impossible to know?) what they expect of me. It's entirely possible, though, that neither my dad nor my brother sees a need for me to be close by (or that they would even want that?), and that I'm trying to plan for people who have their own plans independent of me.
Is it my filial "job" to come back? Would they want a closer relationship with me, even if I did?
tl;dr: Adult child trying to figure out his responsibilities to his distant parent and brother who may need support in the future but who probably would never ask for it.