I 28F turn 29 tomorrow. My boyfriend 26M have been together for six years and own a house together.
Every once in a while, he calls me to ask a question and I answer “idk”, he gets upset and always responds with “what do you mean you don’t know?” Which sometimes turns into an argument, regardless of how nice I respond…
I’m always super confused when this happens and I genuinely don’t know how to answer his follow up question. If I can’t provide him an answer, it’s such a inconvenience for some reason.
Today, he called while I was working and said “what’s going on this weekend?” Here’s how the convo went:
Me: I don’t know, what’s up?
Him: I’m trying to figure out, because my friend needs help on Saturday night and I know it’s your weekend to celebrate your birthday.
Me: I’m not sure…
Him: how can you not know? Last year you got upset and told me you never do anything you want to do on your birthday and it’s always what people want you to do, and now you’re telling me you don’t know what you want to do?
Me: you’re missing the point, I said I want more effort from people to understand what I actually like doing and do something nice for me, that I ENJOY! Every year, I go out of my way for everyone on there birthday, events and celebrations, so I’m just asking for reciprocation. I also made a bunch of suggestions over the last few months. For years I’ve been telling everyone that I don’t drink, and going to bars is something I don’t like doing at all, so why would I want to do that for me birthday? That’s where I was dragged out for my birthday for multiple years in a row or we don’t go to restaurants I like because one person in the party doesn’t like it. Saying I got “upset” is a stretch. I was simply explaining that I didn’t enjoy my birthday, I just sat in a bar and we all stared at each other because the music was too loud and not even my taste, and I had to eat a nasty salad because they couldn’t accommodate my gluten allergy.
Him: that’s exactly what I just said, you aren’t understanding me.
Me: I guess not then….
Him: well we need to have a serious conversation about this tonight, I’m tired of this happening. I call you to see what’s going on and you just tell me you don’t know. How do you not know?
Me: I made suggestions the last few months about what we could do, I feel I did my part in the planning process.
Him: don’t be mad at me when I plan something for you and you don’t like it.
Me: alrighty (at this point I was feeling a little sad and over it)
Him: well I need to get back to work.
And we hung up
I genuinely feel like that conversation was so weird. I’m not even being complicated… I’m sober and I like doing fun interactive things and eating high quality food (gluten free). We live by Chicago, so I feel like options are endless there…. I guess this is just a rant, but I’m also frustrated, confused, annoyed and now unmotivated to go out for my birthday, yet again. I feel that planning for people’s birthdays has always been so easy for me… like I know what my partner likes/doesn’t like. I’ve been asking for years for him to plan something nice for me like I do for him.
Edit: I should have noted, that the past few months I have directly communicated many options of things to do for my birthday, and over the years I have clearly expressed my desire to have him properly plan my birthday for me. I have even expressed that I want him to start planning dates, etc every once in a while over different conversations. I have been clear as water with him.
TL;DR: Boyfriend gets mad easily and I’m not sure how to handle the situation anymore when they arise.