I love my bf (20M) very deeply. We have been together for almost two years, and we have made long term plans for the future. I recently have not been feeling good enough as an individual and my mental health is spiraling, and I try not to let that impact our relationship. I recently quit my job, as it was draining on my mental health and I was not happy in that profession. I feel very lost in the world currently. In all honesty, I feel like an absolute failure. The one thing I do not want to fail in is my relationship with my partner.
My boyfriend has made comments about how he wishes I knew how to play soccer so we could play together. I have never played any sports in my entire life. I am not a very athletic individual. We have played 1v1 together in the past when we first met just for fun. It was all laughs and he told me I had potential if I actually practiced and learned. Life got busy and I never had the time to try. Now I have more free time, and I began practicing on my own time.
The other night, we went out to the field with his friends to play a game. I was really bad, and I feel it made him upset. On our way home, I told him I was sorry and that I am still trying to practice and learn, but I felt like I was getting better than I used to be. He told me I wasn't improving and if I actually wanted to improve I had to practice the right way. I got a little bit sad, because I was really trying, for him, but I didn't say anything and I was trying not to let my sad mood impact the night. I don't really care for soccer. I have fun when I play it with him, but it is not something I am necessarily very passionate about. I know its something he is passionate about and loves, and he is always the one to ask me to play with him, so I am trying to learn for him.
When we got home he began to make dinner. I sat on the couch and started to watch videos on youtube about how to improve as a beginner. He asked me a question and I didn't hear it over my video so I asked him to repeat himself, and he got really upset and started to tell me I never listen to him and that I don't want to talk to him while he makes dinner. I told him thats not the truth, and that I was just watching videos to learn, and that I am listening to him. He said I could be taking time to learn other stuff like how to cook, but all I care about is soccer. This hurt my feelings too, but I again tried to not let my emotions show. I told him if that I was sorry I was so bad, and if he didn't want me to play soccer anymore then I wouldn't. He then laughed at me and said "okay so you are just going to quit instead of practicing?" I just stayed silent as I didn't really know what to say. He then continued on about how I didn't want to talk to him. I am a very emotional person, and I did start to cry, so I closed my laptop and went to go shower as he finished dinner and ate. After his shower I cleaned up his dishes from dinner and met him in bed.
We were supposed to watch our show this night, so I asked if this was something he still wanted to do, and he said he just wanted to sleep. I could tell something was bothering him, so I asked what was wrong, and he ignored me. I pushed once more, as he doesn't open up often. He said it doesn't matter what he is feeling. I told him it matters to me, and he said he just wants to go to sleep. He then said "I am sorry for being such an awful boyfriend and always making you cry". I told him he isn't an awful boyfriend, and that I am just really emotional and trying to make him proud. He didn't respond. I laid next to him just thinking for about an hour, and when I heard him snoring, I got my phone and airpods out and started watching videos on my phone on how to be better at cooking. He woke up and said "enjoy your videos" and went into the living room to sleep.
When I woke up he was gone and he began ignoring my calls and texts. Eventually he texted me that I hate him and I don't want to spend time with him. I said that was not true and he left me on read. Eventually I sent a paragraph to him about how I appreciate him and everything he does and how I was just trying to learn the things that he loves. He said he just wanted to be alone, so I told him okay and that I love him. The next day I still hadn't heard from him, so I was cleaning the house to try and keep my mind busy. I got a text from him telling me to stop getting online and watching whatever game he is playing. I was confused as I wasn't doing this, and I told him that, and he left me on read. So is my boyfriend mad at me for trying too hard? Does he not want me to try and learn the things he told me to?
TLDR; Is my boyfriend mad at me for trying too hard to learn the things he wanted me to learn?