I’m just vetting, but I’m starting to hate my life. I look forward to going to work more than being with her because I’m always walking on emotional eggshells. Her issues have zapped the 0.002% enjoyment that I got out of the holiday season because every aspect of Christmas brings her close to a panic attack.
She is on meds and goes to a therapist Which has helped (when it was untreated she was unbearable and I told her it’s over unless she got help) but things are just soul draining right now, life isn’t fun at all.
All I want to do is go to work then go to bed. Idk how much longer I can do this.
25 comments
So be single?
I’m so sorry. Please think of yourself, too, and treat yourself well. My former partner was mentally ill and in the end I was more of a caretaker than a partner. I had no joy in my life anymore and felt numb all the time.
Now, I have my own little family and a great partnership. Finally, I can enjoy life again.
Can relate–I choose not to date or really interact a whole lot with people who have severe anxious attachment. It comes to a point when you’re wondering when they’ll self regulate.
Reassurances every once in a while? Absolutely. Constantly? No thanks.
I think sometimes we have to put our own needs first. I say this as a parent who’s done nothing but sacrifice my own wants and needs in order to ensure my kids happiness.
I however wouldn’t do this if it jeopardised my own wellbeing. There is a limit.
I also couldn’t live walking on eggshells again. Never feeling happy because someone else is draining all feeling from me. Lived like this with an abusive husband,it wasnt fun. Every single occasion was ruined. Usually with a grumpy mood… dont set yourself on fire to keep her warm…. life your life before its too late.
I mean you’ve basically made yourself anxious because of it, I think for your own mental health it’s better to not be in this relationship anymore
You can absolutely end the relationship.
It’s hell on earth. I’ve been through it, only thing that made me stay was suicide threats. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone
How is it to be with someone with anxiety disorder? What makes her panicky about christmas season?
You should end the relationship and encourage her to seek help from a distance.
Then why tf stay in it?? Lol
Listen, relationships are supposed to enhance your life, not make it worse. You deserve better and the person you’re with deserves better. How would you feel if your partner talked about you this way on reddit? Staying in the situation is not fair to either one of you…
I say that as someone who was in a similar situation a few years ago btw. We grew to resent each other and I stayed because I felt like I had to. Turns out..I didn’t and both of our lives are better now for it.
I very much get this. Very sorry for your situation. My ex wife had terrible anxiety and I tried for years to get her help, but she would refuse, call me a bully for bringing it up, and attack me for not consistently going to therapy for my clinical depression (even though I was properly medicated and knew when to go to therapy when I felt depression symptoms creeping up). Like you, every major holiday was a drama-filled disaster. After a REALLY bad Christmas holiday, we went to marriage counseling. At counseling, she just got worse with the whataboutisms. Ended in divorce.
If your partner is not willing to take care of themselves, then don’t waste your time and energy on them.
Just leave bro.
Not your problem
Can’t stop living your life to become a caretaker for someone.
It’s not good to live like that I lived it most of my life and best thing I did was stop worrying about others and do me
I feel for ya, that’s really tough. ending things sucks but it’s most likely the right move, you can’t fix this for her unfortunately (speaking from personal experience)
I just got out of relationship with someone who had mild bipolar. It is not worth your mental man. You can empathize with them at time separate yourself away from them as well
stop being immature and end it. if neither of you are happy then change it and stop complaining.
Sounds like you’re incompatible? Why not just split up?
Do you even like her at all?
after similar experience I’m now really following properly with the saying “you can’t take care of other people unless you take care of yourself” people who are still in the beginning process of working on trauma and severe mental illnesses are not suitable and ready for serious relationships they need a caretaker unless you want to be in that role you shouldn’t stick around but you should encourage them to work on themselves and end things in a positive manner
Become single.
It sucks when a person makes you walk on eggshells all the time. It sucks doubly so when they do so for reasons that aren’t malicious, because you don’t have the justification that they’re awful at heart for leaving them. But the whys of things are often moot; what matters is what people do to each other, not why they do it. She’s making your life miserable. Be free of her and give yourself a chance of not being miserable.
As someone who was stuck in one of these. Leave. She won’t get better and things may get worse
It helps if you do her doggy style so you don’t have to look at her face. I know from experience. Sex can help you enjoy her and also help her feel like she is keeping the relationship going. And if she doesn’t have to see your face during sex it might her feel more relaxed.
Listen to the others advice.
Or accept you’ll be unhappy for the rest of your life.
Either way is fine, I guess. We all get to decide how our life goes.
This comment section is the true representation of what’s wrong with dating now. Based on one post, it’s immediately break up, be single blablabla.
A relationship will not always be rainbows and sunshine.
I sympathize with you OP.
Sometimes people do get over their issues. I’ve had pretty major issues with anxiety, got on meds for many years, went through useless counseling, nothing helped, but then I made some other important changes in my life, completely stopped all medications, now back to a perfectly calm self after a year with no meds or therapists. Everyone is different, but I do believe that for many people there could be a simple solution, modern society overcomplicates things sometimes.
With that said, I’ve dated someone with emotional disregulation and anger issues, it sure can be challenging on bad days.
Ask yourself what you like (or used to like) in her and why you are together. Decide if it’s worth it, it might be or it might not be, only you will know that. But also realistically assess how easy it will be to replace or go without.
You’re not a fucking victim. You’re choosing to be with this person. Grab your fucking sack and leave.