My question is how others time masturbation around unpredictable sex.
I [M] have been with my partner [F] for 20 years. For the first 10 years we had sex every night, and I didn’t masturbate that much, and if I did I masturbated early in the day so I could perform at night. For the next 5 years, after children, we had almost no sex, so I masturbated whenever I wanted. My partner never asked about any of this and I did it privately, so she didn’t know. I assumed she did the same (though I now know that was the wrong assumption and she never masturbates).
A year ago I asked for more sex and we have been working out libido differences. She knows I need something every day. We have sex 2-3 times a week. Sometimes the days are predictable and sometimes not, and she likes to go with the flow rather than plan anything. (She said she can’t get off if sex is planned ahead of time.) So now I don’t know when to masturbate. Sometimes she does it with me, but it’s slightly odd masturbating with her when she’s not in the same headspace as me.
If I have sex or masturbate then I get a solid nights sleep. If I don’t have an orgasm then I get to sleep fine, dream about sex, and wake up 2 hours earlier than normal feeling frustrated. These days if I masturbate in the day then the sex later on is not as good and I can’t always perform.
How do other married people time this?